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June 18, 2010
CHICAGO – Cubs owner Tom Ricketts told the Chicago Tribune that he’s found a new way to bring in revenue to the second highest payroll in Major League Baseball. Instead of fighting for ad space in and around historic Wrigley Field, Ricketts says he can help lessen the effect of declining attendance through walking billboards. “The [...]
May 29, 2010
By An Actual Drunk Man* So its been a great dfay. It’s been fucking difficult trying to login to write this ariticel. I mena so what if my password was wrong the first threew times shouldnty i still be able to use my free speech. Its the first ammendment. I shall not be silenced by [...]
May 29, 2010
EVANSTON – Almost a dozen Northwestern country music fans were in disarray this past Tuesday when they learned of Mayfest’s final performer, rapper Rhymefest. Cramped into a booth at a nearby diner, the handful of fans nursed their disappointment with cheap whiskey: for the 38th time, their favorite performers were snubbed. Said Cletus Owens, a [...]
May 29, 2010
EVANSTON – Neil Byers, a SESP junior, was ridiculed for the entirety of Dillo Day for wrapping a large ACE bandage around his head in anticipation for the performance of rapper Nelly. “This is his ‘thing’, right?” asked Byers to a throng of chuckling students, “I went to a boarding school from 6th to 8th [...]
May 29, 2010
1. He got hit when he let loose his “Pimp Juice” 2. He wasn’t paying attention when the ump said “Batter Up” 3. It got a little rough when she went over to “My Place” 4. “Tip drill” gone bad 5. “Ridin’” with an Axe Murderer 6. Angry Redneck attacked him for correcting his “Country Grammar” 7. Cut himself opening the only copy sold of “Brass [...]
May 21, 2010
We All Need to Do Our Part to Save the Ocean By Dr. Floyd M.F. Jenkins British Petroleum, more commonly known as BP, caused a terrible accident this month when their oil rig malfunctioned and began leaking. This is a new breed of oil spill — while earlier incidents (such as the Exxon-Valdez disaster) had a finite [...]
Added on April 19, 2010
