Blagojevich Sells NU Kicker’s Foot to Mizzou

SAN ANTONIO, TX—Northwestern’s loss to Missouri in the Alamo Bowl has brought about criticism of the team’s kicker. After failing to kick a field goal and extra point, Mizzou was able to bring the game to overtime. Northwestern failed to match Mizzou’s touchdown, which gave NU its sixth straight bowl loss. There are some, however, who are not willing to blame only the NU kicker.

Several Illinois politicians have accused Governor Rod Blagojevich of influencing Northwestern’s loss. Illinois State Representative Bob Biggins sees an uncanny resemblance in NU’s loss to Blagojevich’s selling of Obama’s U.S. Senate seat. Biggins told The Flipside, “It’s clear Blagojevich was involved here. No one misses extra points! The only explanation can be that the kicker was bribed by Blagojevich. Mizzou must have then been contacted by Blagojevich, who was willing to sell the kicker’s foot.”

Many understand how a field goal can be missed, even in a dome. What makes Blagojevich’s involvement likely is the missed one point conversion. “It became too obvious at that point,” noted President-elect Barack Obama. “The Illinois Governor must have paid off the kicker. Even I could kick an extra point, despite the fact that I can only bowl a 35.”

The Feds have begun a separate investigation into the possibility of Blagojevich selling the NU kicker to Mizzou. It may also be apparent that Northwestern bought the extremely accurate Mizzou kicker from Blagojevich, as Mizzou missed a potential game winning field goal at the end of regulation. It is difficult to understand why only the kickers were bought off. Why would Blagojevich only sell the kickers? What happened to bribing the referees? Northwestern’s athletics have come a long way, but apparently have yet to learn the fundamentals of bribing. Northwestern will just have to wait until their next bowl game, in which we will party like it is 1949.

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