March Madness To Be Covered Under Universal Health Care

WASHINGTON—After learning that the disease often contracted in the spring, March Madness, was not covered in America’s health care plan for millions of citizens, President Obama decided action was necessary.

At a press conference earlier today, The President addressed the issue, “This is a serious problem. We need to change the system. I know this disease affects real folks, myself included, and it is important to make this a priority.”

March Madness is an extremely contagious disease, most prevalent in males. Side effects include painting your face and body, insanity, and a tendency to neglect bodily functions. It is extremely dangerous because there is a new strain every year, making the disease even more unpredictable.

President Obama moved this issue to the top of his priority list, having already begun to draft a bill fixing the issue. The bill will stipulate that all citizens have the right to a March Madness treatment called “There’s always next year.” He is also expected to include a clause granting him unlimited re-do’s on his bracket.

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