NU Students Sue University for Misuse of Word “Spring”
EVANSTON—In a press release issued late last week, a previously unknown coalition of Northwestern students from California and Florida announced that they would be suing the University for “misuse of the word ‘spring’.” This legal action comes after the discovery that weather during Spring Quarter was neither warm nor sunny.
“It’s just not fair,” whined a member of the group who spoke to The Flipside on condition of anonymity. “When I saw the words ‘Spring Quarter,’ I assumed that it would finally be warm again as soon as I returned from Spring Break. Instead, I discover that April isn’t all that different from February. Who needs four seasons anyway? I’ve spent most of my life with just one, and that’s fine with me.”
If successful in their suit, the group, who are unofficially calling themselves the Season Reform Movement, will demand that the names of the Northwestern academic terms be changed to Winter Quarter, More Winter Quarter, Still Winter Quarter, and No Air-conditioning Quarter.
The group will also request that the University look into possibilities for artificially heating the entire Evanston Campus to at minimum of 65° F from November through April. The group says that swift action is needed by administrators if they hope to impress this year’s round of admitted prospective students.
The group doesn’t understand what will happen at the end of the quarter. “When reading week comes along,” noted the group’s spokesman, “it’s going to be almost ninety degrees. That’s not spring. That’s summer. This school really needs to get its seasons right.”