Kanye West Interrupts President’s Convocation Address

EVANSTON—Northwestern President Morton Schapiro’s convocation address to incoming freshmen was rudely interrupted when Kanye West barged onto the stage and interrupted the speech. The well-known rapper grabbed the microphone from Schapiro’s grip and spoke to the shocked group of freshmen. “I’ve seen crazy things before, but nothing quite like this,” commented freshman John Rennault, “Who would believe that someone as fly as Morton Schapiro would be interrupted in the middle of an address?”

After grabbing the mic, West did not waste time. “Morton,” he said, “I’m happy for you, and I’mma let you finish, but Henry Bienen had one of the best convocation addresses of ALL TIME!” He then repeated “OF ALL TIME” once more before returning the mic to a speechless Schapiro and taking his seat once again.

Pick-Staiger employees are not sure how West was able to get a seat at an event reserved for Northwestern freshmen. One usher believes he used the pseudonym ‘Pronea East’ to hide his true identity, waiting until the right time to upstage Schapiro. Others became suspicious when they noticed West’s entire entourage parked on Arts Circle Drive. Shapiro commented afterward, “We’ll have to take steps in the future to ensure that security is tighter than it was today.”

President Obama had a much uncharacteristic reaction, calling West a “punk-ass bitch.” The rapper was quick to comment on this barb, saying, “I don’t care about Barack Obama. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Barack Obama doesn’t care about black people.”

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