McCormick Students Celebrate Centennial by Playing Video Games, Practicing Abstinence

McCormick, Northwestern’s school of Engineering, has begun celebrating its centennial anniversary. It is a time for us to observe and admire the evolution of the school and engineering itself. For many students, however, change is not something they see when they look back.

“The kids who attended McCormick back in the day,” explained McCormick freshman Zach Sneer, “are really no different than today’s students. Let’s be honest: we’re still doing our homework and not having sex; that’s a given. Yeah, they didn’t have video games back then, but if they did, engineers totally would have been playing them all the time.”

Most of the McCormick students today are honoring their founders by upholding past traditions. “Look, we’re not going to change anything here,” Slivka President Sam Farrine told The Flipside. “We’re going to pay tribute to our one hundred years by doing what we’ve always done best: homework, video games, abstinence. Star Wars could be thrown in there somewhere, obviously. It’s a rather powerful equation if I may say so myself. Almost as powerful as the Schrödinger equation.”

The students who refuse to keep these three guidelines, says Farrine, usually “transfer to Weinberg or the School of Communication.” You know, something that’s not miserable.

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