Security Alert: Polar Bear Spotted on Lakefill
On the evening of Friday, November 13 at approximately 8:00 PM, multiple Northwestern students reported seeing a polar bear climb out of a mysterious and previously unnoticed hatch on the Lakefill. The students, who were leaving a “Lost” fan club meeting in Norris, reported seeing the subject leave the hatch and run north along the lake. There have been no further sightings of the subject, described as being a 500 lb. white male about six feet in length.
Further investigation of this report uncovered a gas leak in the Wildcat Room of Norris, where the “Lost” fan club meets. Gas inhalation is known to cause both auditory and visual hallucinations, especially in those addicted to convoluted television shows with improbable plots.
The University Police reminds all members of the Northwestern community that there are no polar bears in the Evanston area and that they should think twice before reporting such phenomena.
This message was sent using the NU Bulkmail service to Evanston Faculty, Evanston Staff, and Evanston Students with urgent priority.