ZOMBIE ISSUE: Lack of Brains Ensures Safety of Jersey Shore Cast

MIAMI, FL — Much to the relief of Jersey Shore fans everywhere, it has been confirmed that due to the lack of brains to be had throughout the group, they will all most likely be safe during the zombie apocalypse. So will the people who watch the show.

When asked how she felt about being able to survive the zombies, Snooki’s immediate response was, “Behhhhhhhh. Are any of them gorilla juiceheads?” Jwoww agreed, but was upset that the zombies would be more interested in snacking on brains than they would be in eating ham and drinking water with her.

The Situation and Pauly D. are both hoping that some of the zombie girls are cute and “not total grenades.” “Once she sees these abs,” the Situation told a Flipside reporter, “they won’t even remember they’re after brains. I bet there are some living parts they miss their zombie guys having, if you know what I mean.”

Vinny said he hopes they don’t get pinkeye if they eat his brain, Ronnie just laughed throughout the whole interview, Angelina is mad at everyone and left the house, and Sammie is considering feeding Ronnie to the zombies, but isn’t sure; they’ll probably get back together tomorrow.

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