Taco Bell Mourns Loss with Limited-Edition Burritos Containing Founder’s Meat

SAN BERNARDINO, CA—The death of Glen W. Bell Jr., founder of Taco Bell, has shocked the fast food nation. Despite his healthy lifestyle, Bell died at the young age of eighty-six. Though no details were released regarding the circumstances surrounding his death, TMZ has received reports that he suffered internal burns from a Volcano Taco.

To commemorate Bell’s contributions to society, Tricon Global has developed a special burrito for limited release at select Taco Bells in accordance with his last will and testament. The eighty-six cent burrito will contain sour milk (dubbed “Sour Cream*” by the company), “lettuce,” a gordita, American cheese, salmonella, and pieces of the founder, Glen Bell.

“We are excited,” stated Tricon CEO, Tomas Billingsberg. “This is some of the best meat we have served in years.” The special burritos are being advertised under a slogan that reads: “Why eat a dog who did nothing for society, when you can eat the man who brought you Taco Bell?” Market researchers have already declared that the product tests incredibly well with the company’s focus groups, especially drunk college kids, stoners, and high-schoolers bored out of their minds.

Talk has circulated that his blood will go to flavor special edition Frutista freezes, but Billingsberg would neither confirm nor deny the validity of the speculation.

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