Student’s Facebook Mysteriously Undergoes Massive Changes All at Once

EVANSTON—Around 3:30 a.m. on Friday, Northwestern sophomore Alec Miller overhauled his Facebook, including changing his interests to men, his status to “I love the smell of dick in the morning” and his birthday to that day.

“I no we have nott spoken in monkths,” writes Miller on his ex-girlfriend’s wall, “but my tiny dick misses you. XOXOXO.”

“I’m gay now,” he posted right after.

Miller also decided to rekindle relationships by starting chats with people from high school whose friend requests he accepted without checking to make sure he knew them.

“Honestly, I’m surprised he was so excited to talk to me,” says Rupert O’Flaherty, whose profile picture shows more acne than skin.

Overnight, Miller became a fan of “Women in the Workforce,” “Pearl Harbor,” “Alcoholics Anonymous,” and “The Herpes Helpline.”

When asked the next morning about the sudden changes, Miller asked “what the fuck are you talking about and how did you get into my room?”

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