EA Sports Announces New Willpower Attribute in Madden 2011

MAITLAND, FLORIDA—Electronic Arts, the makers of the popular Madden NFL series, today announced a brand new attribute for Madden NFL ’11 named “Willpower.”

“We really felt that Tim Tebow transcends the game of football and that he deserved his own category,” said lead designer Ian Cummings. “Tebow’s skill set doesn’t fit into traditional categories like arm strength, accuracy and field awareness. He brings another facet to the game that’s never been seen before.”

Despite possessing mediocre ratings in throwing power and accuracy, important abilities for a QB, his Willpower rating of 100 will make him the best quarterback in the game.

NFL Network Draft Expert Mike Mayock praised the new category, saying that “off-the-chart intangibles” could now be defined for the first time in history.

“Tebow brings more than a love of Phillippians 2:34 and a healthy appreciation for abstinence to the table,” said Mayock. “He’s a proven winner. Florida’s incredible stock of talent was only able to win games due to [Tebow’s] sheer force of will.”

Tim Tebow issued a statement praising the creation of the new category, saying that “only with my 100 Willpower rating was I able to dodge that abortion.”

However, some NFL athletes are upset by the new rating system. Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell created a Facebook group called “Winning Ain’t Everything, Celebrate Mediocrity — presented by Skittles. Taste the Rainbow.” Joining Russell is a long list of underachieving NFL players, such as Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Roy Williams.

“What the fuck does ‘Willpower’ even mean?” said Jay Cutler, who has a Willpower rating of 1. “I have diabetes. Trying is hard!”

EA Tiburon demonstrated the Willpower rating by simulating a game between the Denver Broncos with Tim Tebow at the helm facing off against the Detroit Lions. Despite being the highest ranked QB in the game, Tebow went 11 for 35 with 128 yards and 1 interception. The Lions won 17-6.

When asked if the Madden team was happy about the demonstration, Ian Cummings responded enthusiastically.

“You could really tell Tebow was giving it his full effort out there.”

One comment

  • Jamey F.

    Cutler’s irritating response to the willpower rating, as well as Jamarcus Russell’s absurd “celebrate mediocrity” facebook page launch, underscore the reason for their collaborative struggles. No matter what their personal views on things random, such as the nuances of Madden ’11 may be, both Cutler and Russell are emissaries of the NFL.
    Responding to an inquiry with, “What the F**k does will-power even mean” is classless and illustrates a profound disrespect for his emploer, the NFL. I expect nothing less from Russell, a chronic underachiever and prospective felon.

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