Demos Makes Field Goal, Parts Red Sea

EVANSTON—Stefan Demos kicked a 45-yard game-tying field goal for Northwestern Saturday as angels ascended onto Ryan Field and Jesus appeared on the sideline to give Pat Fitzgerald a high-five. The Wildcats then went on to beat the Boilermakers in overtime.

“I’m just so happy we have such a solid, gentlemanly kicker,” said Weinberg junior David Weitzman. “If he missed, those fireworks at the end of the game would have been brutally ironic. Each sparkling flame that burst in the sky and trickled down would have reminded me of a season that could have been.”

“But that didn’t happen,” he added.

Demos, already well-known for winning Northwestern the Outback Bowl in 2010, has taken his game to a stunning level this season — he has not yet missed any extra points. “Drunk fans make those at commercial breaks,” said Demos, whose jersey is the hottest seller of all NU players — dead, alive, or fictitious. “I’m here solely for this purpose. If I couldn’t perform such an easy task, what good would I be?”

Demos, a lefty, has even kicked a couple field goals with his right foot just to mix things up. “It is nice to dispel the notion that the Wildcats are a joke of a football team,” said the kicker after the victory.

“It was also nice that Senate Republican Minority leader John Boehner and Senate Democratic Majority leader Harry Reid gave each other big hugs and decided to work together after my overtime game-winning field goal.”

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