SEED Lets Clothes Air-Dry; Global Warming Solved

EVANSTON—SEED, or Students for Ecological and Environmental Development, ended the problem of global warming Sunday, Oct. 10, by hanging up the laundry outside Norris University Center.

“This was a very unexpected result!” exclaimed SEED member Ann Temnoriv. “I think it had something to do with the fact that the clothes were hung up in the shape of a giant 350.”

Dropping temperatures across the northern United States and Canada confirmed SEED’s suspicion. In the last week alone, many Northwestern students began breaking out fall jackets, clear evidence that the climate crisis has ended.

However, Northwestern professor Angie Mithons, disagreed. “Clothes shaped like things do not save the environment.” She explained that water is a weak greenhouse gas; so, while air-drying clothes certainly puts less carbon in the atmosphere than using a clothes dryer, the activity could not possibly bring carbon levels in the atmosphere down to 350 parts per million (ppm), the level generally accepted by scientists as a sustainable amount.

Mithons had another theory about why global warming appears to have ended. “SEED’s event worked exactly as planned. It spread awareness about global warming, causing the nation as a whole to change its energy consumption habits.”

However, Mithons was not able to explain such a rapid reduction of carbon levels from the previous 390ppm to the new estimate of 350ppm. “Perhaps it was a higher power, either supernatural or extraterrestrial.”

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