EVANSTON—To the delight of her family, missing senior citizen Winifred Leibowitz reappeared on Wednesday when she wandered into the lobby of Elder Residential Community. She was not let back up into the dorm rooms because she did not have a valid Wildcard.

Mrs. Leibowitz says she mistook Elder Residential Community, the newly renovated North Campus dormitory, for the assisted living community her children had suggested she make her new residence. “I just saw all the darling children and assumed they were visiting their grandmothers and grandfathers around the home, so I moved right in!” Mrs. Leibowitz explained. “It just seemed like such a lively place with all the bright youngsters running around at all hours of the day and night. Such mishegas!”

Mrs. Leibowitz’s roommate, Hannah Goyish, was a bit taken aback on move-in day when she found that her roommate was approximately the same age as her own grandmother. “At first I was a little unsure, especially because I thought I had a single, but she’s turned out to be a great roommate!” Hannah gushed. “She makes a damn good brisket, and she’s always asleep when I get back so I never have to explain to her where I’ve been all night. I’m actually pretty sad she won’t be my roomie anymore.”

Due to the mix-up, Northwestern officials are considering changing the name of the dorm building in order to make a more clear distinction between freshmen residential options and the assisted living communities in the area. For now, however, the focus is on providing a smooth transition for Mrs. Leibowitz from Elder to the assisted living community.

“I don’t mean to kvetch, but oy, the men here are schmucks compared to the ones at Elder!” Mrs. Leibowitz told Flipside as she schlepped her going-out-clothes and her secret stash of Absolut from her old home to her new one.