Lesbians deemed “Man’s New Best Friend”

EVANSTON—Anyone who has spent a significant portion of time around the fairer sex will have surely heard a woman express a desire to have a gay best friend. Women and girls around the world claim they would love to have a gay pal to discuss fashion, provide emotional support, and just generally feel comfortable around, and in recent years the “GBFF” has become a rather trendy fad. In the past, men have expressed discomfort about these friendships, some fearing being replaced. But lately, instead of getting upset, guys have found their own dream buddies, a way to “cut those negative feelings short,” so to speak.

”Oh man, of course I’d love a butch lesbian best friend,” says John Coiro, a communications major. “Imagine a girl you can just feel totally comfortable around, talk about whatever’s on your mind. For example, if I’m out with my female friends now and I see a hot girl walk by, I can’t whistle, grunt, or comment on her ass. A lesbian provides the best of both worlds.”

Studies have shown at least 70% of men fantasize about butch lesbians. Whether it’s freezing together in the stands of a Bears game, peering under the hood of a ’68 Mustang, or just simply at the barber getting a haircut, every guy has his own ideal scenario.

“It gives you some inside info about the ladies as well,” reports Weinberg Sophomore Eric Batarseh. “It’s like having a guy friend who actually knows what they’re talking about when they give advice.”

Unfortunately, however, like everything in high demand, supplies are limited.

“It really is a problem, I just don’t know where to meet them,” says Coiro. “I’ve heard the football team has had success around the Ace Hardware in Evanston, so I’ll probably head down there next weekend. If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Apparently, lesbians are not as common on campus as one would think, perhaps due to over-representation on television programs like “American Chopper.” Many, like Coiro and Bartaseh, are still waiting patiently to meet the right girl. “I guess until then I’ll just have to stick with transgenders,” says Batarseh, with a sigh.

Batarseh and many other men often feel utterly lonesome on their trip down the road of life, a pain only cured by the roar of a female friend’s Harley riding in the next lane over.

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