SafeRide Prius Actually Transformer in Disguise

EVANSTON—Northwestern University officials announced in a statement Sunday night that one Prius in the school’s SafeRide fleet is actually a Transformer in disguise hiding from the evil lord Megatron.

The Transformer, Tigerzord, was hiding on Earth after fleeing Cybertron, its home planet. Tigerzord failed to steal the mighty Allspark from Megatron, and thus was forced into hiding to avoid the wrathful robot’s ruthless minions Starscream, Bonecrusher, Frenzy and Brawl.

Tigerzord was discovered when it mistakenly transformed while carrying several sorority sisters to North Campus for a party. “It was so scary,” said sophomore Veronica Stevenson. “We were just like driving and then all of a sudden the car like just transformed and blasted another car with its laser.” Police confirmed that the destroyed car was not not a Decepticon, but rather a Kia Sorento. It appears that Tigerzord misidentified the Sorento.

Tigerzord then proceeded to flee the scene.

Northwestern consulted with Transformers expert Jonah Goldfarb, 13, about the case. “It is rare, but possible, to have a Transformer living in our midst,” said Goldfarb. Goldfarb is a foremost expert in the field, owning over 15 Transformers action figures. Goldfarb estimates that he has seen the Transformers movies at least seven times, although he did admit that Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen “kind of sucked.”

School officials have since examined the rest of the SafeRide fleet and confirmed that there are no other robots in disguise.

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