NUIT strives for an even more irritating CAESAR

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EVANSTON—After the release of the Inception last July, the hit film has become America’s most notorious mindfuck. Up until that point, Northwestern’s class-selecting service, CAESAR, held that title. NUIT admitted its defeat after the film hit the box office this summer.

However, NUIT is not to be outdone. According to Todd Robertson, NUIT’s head technician, next year’s edition of CAESAR will not only be equally as confusing as Nolan’s film, but it will also make researching and registering for classes “almost not worth it.”

To do this, NUIT is incorporating some of the most convoluted aspects of Inception with its already user-unfriendly features.

To begin with, NUIT plans to complicate CAESAR by giving the password to the website only to architects and drug dealers. Since drug dealers appreciate anonymity and no architecture major exists on campus, NUIT believes that just logging onto the database will be exceedingly difficult for students.

Furthermore, the process students use to view CTECs will change.

“The process of looking at teachers CTECs’ was already frustrating, because the only way to avoid opening and closing new windows would be to clutter your desktop with a inconveniently large number of windows,” Robertson said. But now, NUIT is taking it a step further. “We had to go deeper,” said Robertson.

“Next year, when a CTEC link is clicked, the screen will not display a new window,” Robertson explained. “Instead, a new window will be opened in the subconscious, and the only way to access it will be to induce a dream state.”

The new feature doesn’t stop there. To open two CTEC links in a single day will require students to open a dream window within a dream window. Opening three or more links will require a student to ask his/her roommate to plant the whole concept of “CTEC” in his/her subconscious. This process has only been accomplished by one person so far—Robertson—and he reports seeing CTEC evaluations in every subsequent dream he’s had.

“Reviewing teachers and courses online will either be impossible for students to accomplish or cause them a serious mental affliction,” Robertson said with a smug grin. “Suddenly trying to figure out whether or not DiCaprio is dreaming isn’t so bad, is it?”

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