EVANSTON, IL– With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, Romeo Smith knew he had to do something special for his new girlfriend, Rosalin Jones. “You know, it’s the beginning,” he very aptly told Flipside, “she hasn’t even slept with me yet, so I know I can’t slack yet. She’s pretty classy, so I knew I had to find something, you know, romantic to do.”

He considered a big box of chocolates, but decided against it because Romeo wanted Rosalin to keep her “smokin’ hot bod” in case they were still together by spring break. Flowers were out of the question because “aren’t they all dead this time of year anyway?” So, Romeo decided to take his girlfriend on a date to see Blue Valentine.

“It had the word ‘Valentine’ in it, so I figured it was a pretty safe bet. I told her I wanted to take her because it reminded me of her. But then I fell asleep in the movie cause she wanted to watch it, not hook up. When I woke up she was crazy mad at me,” said a very confused looking Romeo.

“He just, like, has no idea what girls want! Why not chocolates like every other guy? Does he think I’m fat??” Rosalin ranted (Note: due to our standards of journalistic integrity and concern for our personal well-being, we could not reveal to Rosalin that her weight was one of Romeo’s concerns).

As it stands, Rosalin is not speaking to Romeo. Romeo is considering going back to his ex-girlfriend Juliet, who he describes as “way hotter, but just a little young for me.”