[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] Middle-school clique misses entire point of Mean Girls
In a terrific display of sarcasm malfunction, Evanston Middle’s most famous clique, insipidly self-named the Deadly Sins, failed to understand the moral behind Mean Girls and undertook the task of making every mistake the titular characters did.
After watching Mean Girls for the 9th time following the dance and the requisite hour of IMing boys, the girls decided to model themselves after the characters that the creators of the movie intended to portray as horrible people.
Kelsi (Wrath) decided that making a burn book was an awesome idea, metaphorically defecating on the grave of Tina Fey’s ideas.
The rest of the 7 girls agreed (with the exception of Mandi, Sloth, who had fallen asleep). Having already completed the task of giving themselves a ridiculous nickname, they moved on to establishing arbitrary rules about outfits, dedicating their time to materialism and cutting each other down.
The main target was Susan, or Gluttony, who at size 4 was proclaimed the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend) of the group by Tiffani (Pride) and Stefani (Greed). Brittani (Envy) led the charge in spreading more gossip and creating more lies, simultaneously failing to grasp the entire purpose of the climax of the movie.
Krystina (Lust) undertook the task of debasing women and contributing to the objectification that the movie derides by insisting on sluttier outfits for all.
When asked if she knew what satire was, Kelsi responded, “Oh my god, I heard about it, hottest new label ever, can’t wait for their September line.”