Everyone’s Favorite Pokemon Trainer Elected as ASG Vice President

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EVANSTON – The Northwestern University student body recently elected Austin Young as 2011-12 President of the Associated Student Government (ASG). Young ostensibly garnered many votes because of his chosen running mate, the popular Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town.

While Austin vocally supported policies including better communication between ASG members and the implementation of systems designed to make students’ voices heard, Ash ran on the platform of dissolving the Team Rocket fan club and allowing all students to select Pikachu as their starters.  Now that Ash has been elected to this office, he has made some more promises. “I want a Master Ball for every trainer and a Magikarp in every home,” Ketchum said in a press conference this Monday. Ash has also decided to make Professor Oak his Technologies Supervisor, a position he will create upon taking office.

Yet the new VP is already stirring up controversy. In the press conference, Ash made it abundantly clear that he refuses to work with any trainers who use Ghost-type Pokemon.  Earlier he stated “Guys, you know I’m all about diversity. I think all Pokemon were created equal as much as the next guy, but come on. Ghost Pokemon are just plain cheap.  You can’t use any physical attacks against them.  I just won’t stand for it any longer.”

When asked for his stance on the Living Wage campaign, Ash responded, “Living wage? Pokemon don’t need any money.  All they need is love, food, and shelter.  Sometimes only one of three.”

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