Survey Shows Majority of NU Students “Tired of This Bullshit”

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EVANSTON – A study done by the Department of Psychology revealed that Northwestern students have increasingly “had it with this stupid fucking shit,” researcher Don Kranz said.

In a sentiment brought about by “this whole goddamned mess,” it appears that Northwestern students are increasingly threatening to “say fuck it and go to state school.”

“Every day, it’s just a constant shit blizzard, and it’s like I forgot my fucking boots, and I’m just wading through this giant shit storm,” an anonymous subject said.

“Fuck it all,” he added.

The results of this survey confirm a long trend spanning centuries of academic and existential torment, said Kranz. He points out documents from students in the class of 1855 (excerpt follows):

“Today, I received my marks for the mid-term examination in biology. My professor, a stout and gentle Pole, evidently found it of the utmost necessity to report to the Dean that I was unable to differentiate mitosis from meiosis. What a fucking asshole. Fuck this stupid, stupid bullshit. I don’t need this – does he not understand that my father is held in the highest esteem by President Pierce?”

The historic trend of Northwestern students to be “done, just fucking done with it” seems to have taken a decided upswing in the last decade, in which students ensure that “everything has gone to hell.”

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