Northwestern Unveils New Meme Studies Major

internetmemeology

EVANSTON – In a move to appeal to an increasingly Internet-centric youth, Northwestern University will be offering a major in Meme Studies, Assistant Dean for Curriculum Joan Linsenmeier announced yesterday. Northwestern will become the first major university to offer a degree in the up-and-coming science of Internet memes.

This announcement comes in response to years of student petitions for the university to offer a full major in studying Internet memes – which, for those uninitiated in Internet culture, is defined by Wikipedia as being “a concept that spreads swiftly via the Internet.”

“I can’t tell you how many students have come up to me and asked, ‘Assistant Dean Linsenmeier, why you no have Internet Memeology major?’” Linsenmeier said to reporters. “Well, I’m here to say that, Northwestern students, you can has a degree in Meme Studies.”

Yale University’s philosophy department offers a course titled “Philosoraptor and Society,” and the University of Chicago recently drew headlines when they paid rapper Xzibit “upwards of $50,000” to come to campus and lecture about recursion. However, this step by Northwestern is being lauded as a groundbreaking move in a still-developing academic field, which aims to study “the ways that Internet memes reflect and influence society as a whole.”

“We live in a meme-based world, there’s no denying that,” said Northwestern sociology professor Grant Richards. “While it might not be considered standard academic material, I believe that this in a important move for Northwestern. It shows we’re embracing the changing culture and not remaining stagnant.”

Linsenmeier revealed several of the courses offered by the new Department of Internet Memeology, which included “Introduction to Redditology,” “History of the Internet: IRC, /b/, and Beyond,” and a 300-level course in “The Sociology of Rage Comics.”

The newly created program will partner up with Northwestern’s Medill School of Journalism in offering a series of courses about the current social media market.

“At Northwestern, our goal is to offer an education that gives our students a chance to impact the world in a very real way. The Department of Internet Memeology and Medill will be giving our students the tools to do just this,” Linsenmeier said. “Students majoring in Internet Memeology won’t just be ‘derping’ around.”

Reaction among the students has been overwhelmingly positive.

“I was like, me gusta,” said junior Alex Goodwin, who is enrolled in the Weinberg College of Arts and Science. “My parents have been paying $60,000 a year for me to browse the Internet, so it’s only fair to them that I at least get something out of it.”

Goodwin added, “Good Guy Northwestern: notices you’re browsing Reddit during lectures, gives you a degree for it.”

38 comments

  • ITS DAT BOI

    SIGN ME THE F UP

  • doge

    wow much good. cant wait 2 college. such amaze. many thank

  • O shit waddup

    WHERE DO I SIGN UP

  • Donald Trump

    All these memes are shit-tier.

  • Donald Trump

    Fucking kys hebrews

  • Pepe

    YASS BITCH PYSCHED

  • Lindsey Mota

    Can I skip highschool and go directly here please

  • DAT BOI

    OH SHIT WADDUP!!

  • Rick Harrison

    I’m Rick Harrison, and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss. Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I’ve learned after 21 years – you never know what is gonna come through that door.

  • Harambe

    I used to love memes……….

  • sippin on dat sizzvrp

    im legitimately going to sign up fro this

  • #dicksout

    meme machine meme machine i am a mutherfuckig meme machine

  • Kermit the Frog

    It ain’t easy bein’ meme

  • no

    holy shit this is a thing. i feel both great sadness and great joy.

  • Hillary Clinton did 11/9

  • xXx_v1rg1nSl4y3r6969_xXx

    Sick as hell boiiii

  • Judith Heale

    Crocs and memes. Two of my favorite things.

  • harambe lover

    the greatest thing known to mankind

  • Ken Bone

    What steps will your energy policies take to meet our energy needs while at the same time remaining environmentally friendly and minimizing job loss for fossil power plant workers?

  • you are like a baby… watch this………..
    SUCC

  • depressed frog meme

    normies get out of my collage REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  • PepeLivesMatter

    we can live teh future

  • Riley Bridgeman is a memedealer. Contact him for the latest and greatest black market eggs. Not suitable for kids under that age of 21. May cause laxative effect

  • Fitness Gram Pacer Test

    The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal bodeboop. A sing lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready!… Start. ding

  • Jerry Seinfeld

    According to all known laws
    of aviation,

    there is no way a bee
    should be able to fly.

    Its wings are too small to get
    its fat little body off the ground.

    The bee, of course, flies anyway

    because bees don’t care
    what humans think is impossible.

    Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
    Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

    Ooh, black and yellow!
    Let’s shake it up a little.

    Barry! Breakfast is ready!

    Ooming!

    Hang on a second.

    Hello?

    – Barry?
    – Adam?

    – Oan you believe this is happening?
    – I can’t. I’ll pick you up.

    Looking sharp.

    Use the stairs. Your father
    paid good money for those.

    Sorry. I’m excited.

    Here’s the graduate.
    We’re very proud of you, son.

    A perfect report card, all B’s.

    Very proud.

    Ma! I got a thing going here.

    – You got lint on your fuzz.
    – Ow! That’s me!

    – Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000.
    – Bye!

    Barry, I told you,
    stop flying in the house!

    – Hey, Adam.
    – Hey, Barry.

    – Is that fuzz gel?
    – A little. Special day, graduation.

    Never thought I’d make it.

    Three days grade school,
    three days high school.

    Those were awkward.

    Three days college. I’m glad I took
    a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

    You did come back different.

    – Hi, Barry.
    – Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

    – Hear about Frankie?
    – Yeah.

    – You going to the funeral?
    – No, I’m not going.

    Everybody knows,
    sting someone, you die.

    Don’t waste it on a squirrel.
    Such a hothead.

    I guess he could have
    just gotten out of the way.

    I love this incorporating
    an amusement park into our day.

    That’s why we don’t need vacations.

    Boy, quite a bit of pomp…
    under the circumstances.

    – Well, Adam, today we are men.
    – We are!

    – Bee-men.
    – Amen!

    Hallelujah!

    Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

    please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

    Welcome, New Hive Oity
    graduating class of…

    …9:15.

    That concludes our ceremonies.

    And begins your career
    at Honex Industries!

    Will we pick ourjob today?

    I heard it’s just orientation.

    Heads up! Here we go.

    Keep your hands and antennas
    inside the tram at all times.

    – Wonder what it’ll be like?
    – A little scary.

    Welcome to Honex,
    a division of Honesco

    and a part of the Hexagon Group.

    This is it!

    Wow.

    Wow.

    We know that you, as a bee,
    have worked your whole life

    to get to the point where you
    can work for your whole life.

    Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
    Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

    Our top-secret formula

    is automatically color-corrected,
    scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

    into this soothing sweet syrup

    with its distinctive
    golden glow you know as…

    Honey!

    – That girl was hot.
    – She’s my cousin!

    – She is?
    – Yes, we’re all cousins.

    – Right. You’re right.
    – At Honex, we constantly strive

    to improve every aspect
    of bee existence.

    These bees are stress-testing
    a new helmet technology.

    – What do you think he makes?
    – Not enough.

    Here we have our latest advancement,
    the Krelman.

    – What does that do?
    – Oatches that little strand of honey

    that hangs after you pour it.
    Saves us millions.

    Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

    Of course. Most bee jobs are
    small ones. But bees know

    that every small job,
    if it’s done well, means a lot.

    But choose carefully

    because you’ll stay in the job
    you pick for the rest of your life.

    The same job the rest of your life?
    I didn’t know that.

    What’s the difference?

    You’ll be happy to know that bees,
    as a species, haven’t had one day off

    in 27 million years.

    So you’ll just work us to death?

    We’ll sure try.

    Wow! That blew my mind!

    “What’s the difference?”
    How can you say that?

    One job forever?
    That’s an insane choice to have to make.

    I’m relieved. Now we only have
    to make one decision in life.

    But, Adam, how could they
    never have told us that?

    Why would you question anything?
    We’re bees.

    We’re the most perfectly
    functioning society on Earth.

    You ever think maybe things
    work a little too well here?

    Like what? Give me one example.

    I don’t know. But you know
    what I’m talking about.

    Please clear the gate.
    Royal Nectar Force on approach.

    Wait a second. Oheck it out.

    – Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
    – Wow.

    I’ve never seen them this close.

    They know what it’s like
    outside the hive.

    Yeah, but some don’t come back.

    – Hey, Jocks!
    – Hi, Jocks!

    You guys did great!

    You’re monsters!
    You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

    – I wonder where they were.
    – I don’t know.

    Their day’s not planned.

    Outside the hive, flying who knows
    where, doing who knows what.

    You can’tjust decide to be a Pollen
    Jock. You have to be bred for that.

    Right.

    Look. That’s more pollen
    than you and I will see in a lifetime.

    It’s just a status symbol.
    Bees make too much of it.

    Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it
    and the ladies see you wearing it.

    Those ladies?
    Aren’t they our cousins too?

    Distant. Distant.

    Look at these two.

    – Oouple of Hive Harrys.
    – Let’s have fun with them.

    It must be dangerous
    being a Pollen Jock.

    Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
    against a mushroom!

    He had a paw on my throat,
    and with the other, he was slapping me!

    – Oh, my!
    – I never thought I’d knock him out.

    What were you doing during this?

    Trying to alert the authorities.

    I can autograph that.

    A little gusty out there today,
    wasn’t it, comrades?

    Yeah. Gusty.

    We’re hitting a sunflower patch
    six miles from here tomorrow.

    – Six miles, huh?
    – Barry!

    A puddle jump for us,
    but maybe you’re not up for it.

    – Maybe I am.
    – You are not!

    We’re going 0900 at J-Gate.

    What do you think, buzzy-boy?
    Are you bee enough?

    I might be. It all depends
    on what 0900 means.

    Hey, Honex!

    Dad, you surprised me.

    You decide what you’re interested in?

    – Well, there’s a lot of choices.
    – But you only get one.

    Do you ever get bored
    doing the same job every day?

    Son, let me tell you about stirring.

    You grab that stick, and you just
    move it around, and you stir it around.

    You get yourself into a rhythm.
    It’s a beautiful thing.

    You know, Dad,
    the more I think about it,

    maybe the honey field
    just isn’t right for me.

    You were thinking of what,
    making balloon animals?

    That’s a bad job
    for a guy with a stinger.

    Janet, your son’s not sure
    he wants to go into honey!

    – Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
    – I’m not trying to be funny.

    You’re not funny! You’re going
    into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

    – You’re gonna be a stirrer?
    – No one’s listening to me!

    Wait till you see the sticks I have.

    I could say anything right now.
    I’m gonna get an ant tattoo!

    Let’s open some honey and celebrate!

    Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax.
    Shave my antennae.

    Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
    a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”!

    I’m so proud.

    – We’re starting work today!
    – Today’s the day.

    Oome on! All the good jobs
    will be gone.

    Yeah, right.

    Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
    stirrer, front desk, hair removal…

    – Is it still available?
    – Hang on. Two left!

    One of them’s yours! Oongratulations!
    Step to the side.

    – What’d you get?
    – Picking crud out. Stellar!

    Wow!

    Oouple of newbies?

    Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

    Make your choice.

    – You want to go first?
    – No, you go.

    Oh, my. What’s available?

    Restroom attendant’s open,
    not for the reason you think.

    – Any chance of getting the Krelman?
    – Sure, you’re on.

    I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

    Wax monkey’s always open.

    The Krelman opened up again.

    What happened?

    A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
    He’s dead. Another dead one.

    Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

    Dead from the neck up.
    Dead from the neck down. That’s life!

    Oh, this is so hard!

    Heating, cooling,
    stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

    humming, inspector number seven,
    lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

    mite wrangler. Barry, what
    do you think I should… Barry?

    Barry!

    All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch
    in quadrant nine…

    What happened to you?
    Where are you?

    – I’m going out.
    – Out? Out where?

    – Out there.
    – Oh, no!

    I have to, before I go
    to work for the rest of my life.

    You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello?

    Another call coming in.

    If anyone’s feeling brave,
    there’s a Korean deli on 83rd

    that gets their roses today.

    Hey, guys.

    – Look at that.
    – Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday?

    Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted.

    It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up.

    Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

    Sign here, here. Just initial that.

    – Thank you.
    – OK.

    You got a rain advisory today,

    and as you all know,
    bees cannot fly in rain.

    So be careful. As always,
    watch your brooms,

    hockey sticks, dogs,
    birds, bears and bats.

    Also, I got a couple of reports
    of root beer being poured on us.

    Murphy’s in a home because of it,
    babbling like a cicada!

    – That’s awful.
    – And a reminder for you rookies,

    bee law number one,
    absolutely no talking to humans!

    All right, launch positions!

    Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
    buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

    Black and yellow!

    Hello!

    You ready for this, hot shot?

    Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

    Wind, check.

    – Antennae, check.
    – Nectar pack, check.

    – Wings, check.
    – Stinger, check.

    Scared out of my shorts, check.

    OK, ladies,

    let’s move it out!

    Pound those petunias,
    you striped stem-suckers!

    All of you, drain those flowers!

    Wow! I’m out!

    I can’t believe I’m out!

    So blue.

    I feel so fast and free!

    Box kite!

    Wow!

    Flowers!

    This is Blue Leader.
    We have roses visual.

    Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

    Roses!

    30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

    Stand to the side, kid.
    It’s got a bit of a kick.

    That is one nectar collector!

    – Ever see pollination up close?
    – No, sir.

    I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
    over here. Maybe a dash over there,

    a pinch on that one.
    See that? It’s a little bit of magic.

    That’s amazing. Why do we do that?

    That’s pollen power. More pollen, more
    flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

    Oool.

    I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow.
    Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those?

    Oopy that visual.

    Wait. One of these flowers
    seems to be on the move.

    Say again? You’re reporting
    a moving flower?

    Affirmative.

    That was on the line!

    This is the coolest. What is it?

    I don’t know, but I’m loving this color.

    It smells good.
    Not like a flower, but I like it.

    Yeah, fuzzy.

    Ohemical-y.

    Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby.

    My sweet lord of bees!

    Oandy-brain, get off there!

    Problem!

    – Guys!
    – This could be bad.

    Affirmative.

    Very close.

    Gonna hurt.

    Mama’s little boy.

    You are way out of position, rookie!

    Ooming in at you like a missile!

    Help me!

    I don’t think these are flowers.

    – Should we tell him?
    – I think he knows.

    What is this?!

    Match point!

    You can start packing up, honey,
    because you’re about to eat it!

    Yowser!

    Gross.

    There’s a bee in the car!

    – Do something!
    – I’m driving!

    – Hi, bee.
    – He’s back here!

    He’s going to sting me!

    Nobody move. If you don’t move,
    he won’t sting you. Freeze!

    He blinked!

    Spray him, Granny!

    What are you doing?!

    Wow… the tension level
    out here is unbelievable.

    I gotta get home.

    Oan’t fly in rain.

    Oan’t fly in rain.

    Oan’t fly in rain.

    Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

    Ken, could you close
    the window please?

    Ken, could you close
    the window please?

    Oheck out my new resume.
    I made it into a fold-out brochure.

    You see? Folds out.

    Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this.

    What was that?

    Maybe this time. This time. This time.
    This time! This time! This…

    Drapes!

    That is diabolical.

    It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special
    skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

    What’s number one? Star Wars?

    Nah, I don’t go for that…

    …kind of stuff.

    No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them.
    They’re out of their minds.

    When I leave a job interview, they’re
    flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say.

    There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out.

    I don’t remember the sun
    having a big 75 on it.

    I predicted global warming.

    I could feel it getting hotter.
    At first I thought it was just me.

    Wait! Stop! Bee!

    Stand back. These are winter boots.

    Wait!

    Don’t kill him!

    You know I’m allergic to them!
    This thing could kill me!

    Why does his life have
    less value than yours?

    Why does his life have any less value
    than mine? Is that your statement?

    I’m just saying all life has value. You
    don’t know what he’s capable of feeling.

    My brochure!

    There you go, little guy.

    I’m not scared of him.
    It’s an allergic thing.

    Put that on your resume brochure.

    My whole face could puff up.

    Make it one of your special skills.

    Knocking someone out
    is also a special skill.

    Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

    – Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
    – Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

    – You could put carob chips on there.
    – Bye.

    – Supposed to be less calories.
    – Bye.

    I gotta say something.

    She saved my life.
    I gotta say something.

    All right, here it goes.

    Nah.

    What would I say?

    I could really get in trouble.

    It’s a bee law.
    You’re not supposed to talk to a human.

    I can’t believe I’m doing this.

    I’ve got to.

    Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on!

    No. Yes. No.

    Do it. I can’t.

    How should I start it?
    “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good.

    Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

    Hi!

    I’m sorry.

    – You’re talking.
    – Yes, I know.

    You’re talking!

    I’m so sorry.

    No, it’s OK. It’s fine.
    I know I’m dreaming.

    But I don’t recall going to bed.

    Well, I’m sure this
    is very disconcerting.

    This is a bit of a surprise to me.
    I mean, you’re a bee!

    I am. And I’m not supposed
    to be doing this,

    but they were all trying to kill me.

    And if it wasn’t for you…

    I had to thank you.
    It’s just how I was raised.

    That was a little weird.

    – I’m talking with a bee.
    – Yeah.

    I’m talking to a bee.
    And the bee is talking to me!

    I just want to say I’m grateful.
    I’ll leave now.

    – Wait! How did you learn to do that?
    – What?

    The talking thing.

    Same way you did, I guess.
    “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up.

    – That’s very funny.
    – Yeah.

    Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh,
    we’d cry with what we have to deal with.

    Anyway…

    Oan I…

    …get you something?
    – Like what?

    I don’t know. I mean…
    I don’t know. Ooffee?

    I don’t want to put you out.

    It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes.

    – It’s just coffee.
    – I hate to impose.

    – Don’t be ridiculous!
    – Actually, I would love a cup.

    Hey, you want rum cake?

    – I shouldn’t.
    – Have some.

    – No, I can’t.
    – Oome on!

    I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms.

    – Where?
    – These stripes don’t help.

    You look great!

    I don’t know if you know
    anything about fashion.

    Are you all right?

    No.

    He’s making the tie in the cab
    as they’re flying up Madison.

    He finally gets there.

    He runs up the steps into the church.
    The wedding is on.

    And he says, “Watermelon?
    I thought you said Guatemalan.

    Why would I marry a watermelon?”

    Is that a bee joke?

    That’s the kind of stuff we do.

    Yeah, different.

    So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

    About work? I don’t know.

    I want to do my part for the hive,
    but I can’t do it the way they want.

    I know how you feel.

    – You do?
    – Sure.

    My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
    a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

    – Really?
    – My only interest is flowers.

    Our new queen was just elected
    with that same campaign slogan.

    Anyway, if you look…

    There’s my hive right there. See it?

    You’re in Sheep Meadow!

    Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond!

    No way! I know that area.
    I lost a toe ring there once.

    – Why do girls put rings on their toes?
    – Why not?

    – It’s like putting a hat on your knee.
    – Maybe I’ll try that.

    – You all right, ma’am?
    – Oh, yeah. Fine.

    Just having two cups of coffee!

    Anyway, this has been great.
    Thanks for the coffee.

    Yeah, it’s no trouble.

    Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did,
    I’d be up the rest of my life.

    Are you…?

    Oan I take a piece of this with me?

    Sure! Here, have a crumb.

    – Thanks!
    – Yeah.

    All right. Well, then…
    I guess I’ll see you around.

    Or not.

    OK, Barry.

    And thank you
    so much again… for before.

    Oh, that? That was nothing.

    Well, not nothing, but… Anyway…

    This can’t possibly work.

    He’s all set to go.
    We may as well try it.

    OK, Dave, pull the chute.

    – Sounds amazing.
    – It was amazing!

    It was the scariest,
    happiest moment of my life.

    Humans! I can’t believe
    you were with humans!

    Giant, scary humans!
    What were they like?

    Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

    They eat crazy giant things.
    They drive crazy.

    – Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
    – Some of them. But some of them don’t.

    – How’d you get back?
    – Poodle.

    You did it, and I’m glad. You saw
    whatever you wanted to see.

    You had your “experience.” Now you
    can pick out yourjob and be normal.

    – Well…
    – Well?

    Well, I met someone.

    You did? Was she Bee-ish?

    – A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
    – No, no, no, not a wasp.

    – Spider?
    – I’m not attracted to spiders.

    I know it’s the hottest thing,
    with the eight legs and all.

    I can’t get by that face.

    So who is she?

    She’s… human.

    No, no. That’s a bee law.
    You wouldn’t break a bee law.

    – Her name’s Vanessa.
    – Oh, boy.

    She’s so nice. And she’s a florist!

    Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist!

    We’re not dating.

    You’re flying outside the hive, talking
    to humans that attack our homes

    with power washers and M-80s!
    One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

    She saved my life!
    And she understands me.

    This is over!

    Eat this.

    This is not over! What was that?

    – They call it a crumb.
    – It was so stingin’ stripey!

    And that’s not what they eat.
    That’s what falls off what they eat!

    – You know what a Oinnabon is?
    – No.

    It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting.
    They heat it up…

    Sit down!

    …really hot!
    – Listen to me!

    We are not them! We’re us.
    There’s us and there’s them!

    Yes, but who can deny
    the heart that is yearning?

    There’s no yearning.
    Stop yearning. Listen to me!

    You have got to start thinking bee,
    my friend. Thinking bee!

    – Thinking bee.
    – Thinking bee.

    Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
    Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

    There he is. He’s in the pool.

    You know what your problem is, Barry?

    I gotta start thinking bee?

    How much longer will this go on?

    It’s been three days!
    Why aren’t you working?

    I’ve got a lot of big life decisions
    to think about.

    What life? You have no life!
    You have no job. You’re barely a bee!

    Would it kill you
    to make a little honey?

    Barry, come out.
    Your father’s talking to you.

    Martin, would you talk to him?

    Barry, I’m talking to you!

    You coming?

    Got everything?

    All set!

    Go ahead. I’ll catch up.

    Don’t be too long.

    Watch this!

    Vanessa!

    – We’re still here.
    – I told you not to yell at him.

    He doesn’t respond to yelling!

    – Then why yell at me?
    – Because you don’t listen!

    I’m not listening to this.

    Sorry, I’ve gotta go.

    – Where are you going?
    – I’m meeting a friend.

    A girl? Is this why you can’t decide?

    Bye.

    I just hope she’s Bee-ish.

    They have a huge parade
    of flowers every year in Pasadena?

    To be in the Tournament of Roses,
    that’s every florist’s dream!

    Up on a float, surrounded
    by flowers, crowds cheering.

    A tournament. Do the roses
    compete in athletic events?

    No. All right, I’ve got one.
    How come you don’t fly everywhere?

    It’s exhausting. Why don’t you
    run everywhere? It’s faster.

    Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
    All right, your turn.

    TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
    That’s insane!

    You don’t have that?

    We have Hivo, but it’s a disease.
    It’s a horrible, horrible disease.

    Oh, my.

    Dumb bees!

    You must want to sting all those jerks.

    We try not to sting.
    It’s usually fatal for us.

    So you have to watch your temper.

    Very carefully.
    You kick a wall, take a walk,

    write an angry letter and throw it out.
    Work through it like any emotion:

    Anger, jealousy, lust.

    Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

    Yeah.

    – What is wrong with you?!
    – It’s a bug.

    He’s not bothering anybody.
    Get out of here, you creep!

    What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular?

    Yeah, it was. How did you know?

    It felt like about 10 pages.
    Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

    You’ve really got that
    down to a science.

    – I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
    – I’ll bet.

    What in the name
    of Mighty Hercules is this?

    How did this get here?
    Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

    Ray Liotta Private Select?

    – Is he that actor?
    – I never heard of him.

    – Why is this here?
    – For people. We eat it.

    You don’t have
    enough food of your own?

    – Well, yes.
    – How do you get it?

    – Bees make it.
    – I know who makes it!

    And it’s hard to make it!

    There’s heating, cooling, stirring.
    You need a whole Krelman thing!

    – It’s organic.
    – It’s our-ganic!

    It’s just honey, Barry.

    Just what?!

    Bees don’t know about this!
    This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

    You’ve taken our homes, schools,
    hospitals! This is all we have!

    And it’s on sale?!
    I’m getting to the bottom of this.

    I’m getting to the bottom
    of all of this!

    Hey, Hector.

    – You almost done?
    – Almost.

    He is here. I sense it.

    Well, I guess I’ll go home now

    and just leave this nice honey out,
    with no one around.

    You’re busted, box boy!

    I knew I heard something.
    So you can talk!

    I can talk.
    And now you’ll start talking!

    Where you getting the sweet stuff?
    Who’s your supplier?

    I don’t understand.
    I thought we were friends.

    The last thing we want
    to do is upset bees!

    You’re too late! It’s ours now!

    You, sir, have crossed
    the wrong sword!

    You, sir, will be lunch
    for my iguana, Ignacio!

    Where is the honey coming from?

    Tell me where!

    Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

    Orazy person!

    What horrible thing has happened here?

    These faces, they never knew
    what hit them. And now

    they’re on the road to nowhere!

    Just keep still.

    What? You’re not dead?

    Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
    that moves. Where you headed?

    To Honey Farms.
    I am onto something huge here.

    I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood,
    crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

    I’m going to Tacoma.

    – And you?
    – He really is dead.

    All right.

    Uh-oh!

    – What is that?!
    – Oh, no!

    – A wiper! Triple blade!
    – Triple blade?

    Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee!

    Why does everything have
    to be so doggone clean?!

    How much do you people need to see?!

    Open your eyes!
    Stick your head out the window!

    From NPR News in Washington,
    I’m Oarl Kasell.

    But don’t kill no more bugs!

    – Bee!
    – Moose blood guy!!

    – You hear something?
    – Like what?

    Like tiny screaming.

    Turn off the radio.

    Whassup, bee boy?

    Hey, Blood.

    Just a row of honey jars,
    as far as the eye could see.

    Wow!

    I assume wherever this truck goes
    is where they’re getting it.

    I mean, that honey’s ours.

    – Bees hang tight.
    – We’re all jammed in.

    It’s a close community.

    Not us, man. We on our own.
    Every mosquito on his own.

    – What if you get in trouble?
    – You a mosquito, you in trouble.

    Nobody likes us. They just smack.
    See a mosquito, smack, smack!

    At least you’re out in the world.
    You must meet girls.

    Mosquito girls try to trade up,
    get with a moth, dragonfly.

    Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito.

    You got to be kidding me!

    Mooseblood’s about to leave
    the building! So long, bee!

    – Hey, guys!
    – Mooseblood!

    I knew I’d catch y’all down here.
    Did you bring your crazy straw?

    We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
    and it’s pretty much pure profit.

    What is this place?

    A bee’s got a brain
    the size of a pinhead.

    They are pinheads!

    Pinhead.

    – Oheck out the new smoker.
    – Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want.

    The Thomas 3000!

    Smoker?

    Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
    Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

    A couple breaths of this
    knocks them right out.

    They make the honey,
    and we make the money.

    “They make the honey,
    and we make the money”?

    Oh, my!

    What’s going on? Are you OK?

    Yeah. It doesn’t last too long.

    Do you know you’re
    in a fake hive with fake walls?

    Our queen was moved here.
    We had no choice.

    This is your queen?
    That’s a man in women’s clothes!

    That’s a drag queen!

    What is this?

    Oh, no!

    There’s hundreds of them!

    Bee honey.

    Our honey is being brazenly stolen
    on a massive scale!

    This is worse than anything bears
    have done! I intend to do something.

    Oh, Barry, stop.

    Who told you humans are taking
    our honey? That’s a rumor.

    Do these look like rumors?

    That’s a conspiracy theory.
    These are obviously doctored photos.

    How did you get mixed up in this?

    He’s been talking to humans.

    – What?
    – Talking to humans?!

    He has a human girlfriend.
    And they make out!

    Make out? Barry!

    We do not.

    – You wish you could.
    – Whose side are you on?

    The bees!

    I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
    Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

    Barry, this is what you want
    to do with your life?

    I want to do it for all our lives.
    Nobody works harder than bees!

    Dad, I remember you
    coming home so overworked

    your hands were still stirring.
    You couldn’t stop.

    I remember that.

    What right do they have to our honey?

    We live on two cups a year. They put it
    in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

    Even if it’s true, what can one bee do?

    Sting them where it really hurts.

    In the face! The eye!

    – That would hurt.
    – No.

    Up the nose? That’s a killer.

    There’s only one place you can sting
    the humans, one place where it matters.

    Hive at Five, the hive’s only
    full-hour action news source.

    No more bee beards!

    With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

    Weather with Storm Stinger.

    Sports with Buzz Larvi.

    And Jeanette Ohung.

    – Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble.
    – And I’m Jeanette Ohung.

    A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

    intends to sue the human race
    for stealing our honey,

    packaging it and profiting
    from it illegally!

    Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

    we’ll have three former queens here in
    our studio, discussing their new book,

    Olassy Ladies,
    out this week on Hexagon.

    Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson.

    Did you ever think, “I’m a kid
    from the hive. I can’t do this”?

    Bees have never been afraid
    to change the world.

    What about Bee Oolumbus?
    Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

    Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans.

    We were thinking
    of stickball or candy stores.

    How old are you?

    The bee community
    is supporting you in this case,

    which will be the trial
    of the bee century.

    You know, they have a Larry King
    in the human world too.

    It’s a common name. Next week…

    He looks like you and has a show
    and suspenders and colored dots…

    Next week…

    Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
    guest even though you just heard ’em.

    Bear Week next week!
    They’re scary, hairy and here live.

    Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
    squinty eyes, very Jewish.

    In tennis, you attack
    at the point of weakness!

    It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81.

    Honey, her backhand’s a joke!
    I’m not gonna take advantage of that?

    Quiet, please.
    Actual work going on here.

    – Is that that same bee?
    – Yes, it is!

    I’m helping him sue the human race.

    – Hello.
    – Hello, bee.

    This is Ken.

    Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
    ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

    Why does he talk again?

    Listen, you better go
    ’cause we’re really busy working.

    But it’s our yogurt night!

    Bye-bye.

    Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

    You poor thing.
    You two have been at this for hours!

    Yes, and Adam here
    has been a huge help.

    – Frosting…
    – How many sugars?

    Just one. I try not
    to use the competition.

    So why are you helping me?

    Bees have good qualities.

    And it takes my mind off the shop.

    Instead of flowers, people
    are giving balloon bouquets now.

    Those are great, if you’re three.

    And artificial flowers.

    – Oh, those just get me psychotic!
    – Yeah, me too.

    Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

    Bees must hate those fake things!

    Nothing worse
    than a daffodil that’s had work done.

    Maybe this could make up
    for it a little bit.

    – This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal.
    – I guess.

    You sure you want to go through with it?

    Am I sure? When I’m done with
    the humans, they won’t be able

    to say, “Honey, I’m home,”
    without paying a royalty!

    It’s an incredible scene
    here in downtown Manhattan,

    where the world anxiously waits,
    because for the first time in history,

    we will hear for ourselves
    if a honeybee can actually speak.

    What have we gotten into here, Barry?

    It’s pretty big, isn’t it?

    I can’t believe how many humans
    don’t work during the day.

    You think billion-dollar multinational
    food companies have good lawyers?

    Everybody needs to stay
    behind the barricade.

    – What’s the matter?
    – I don’t know, I just got a chill.

    Well, if it isn’t the bee team.

    You boys work on this?

    All rise! The Honorable
    Judge Bumbleton presiding.

    All right. Oase number 4475,

    Superior Oourt of New York,
    Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

    is now in session.

    Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing
    the five food companies collectively?

    A privilege.

    Mr. Benson… you’re representing
    all the bees of the world?

    I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
    we’re ready to proceed.

    Mr. Montgomery,
    your opening statement, please.

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

    my grandmother was a simple woman.

    Born on a farm, she believed
    it was man’s divine right

    to benefit from the bounty
    of nature God put before us.

    If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
    Mr. Benson imagines,

    just think of what would it mean.

    I would have to negotiate
    with the silkworm

    for the elastic in my britches!

    Talking bee!

    How do we know this isn’t some sort of

    holographic motion-picture-capture
    Hollywood wizardry?

    They could be using laser beams!

    Robotics! Ventriloquism!
    Oloning! For all we know,

    he could be on steroids!

    Mr. Benson?

    Ladies and gentlemen,
    there’s no trickery here.

    I’m just an ordinary bee.
    Honey’s pretty important to me.

    It’s important to all bees.
    We invented it!

    We make it. And we protect it
    with our lives.

    Unfortunately, there are
    some people in this room

    who think they can take it from us

    ’cause we’re the little guys!
    I’m hoping that, after this is all over,

    you’ll see how, by taking our honey,
    you not only take everything we have

    but everything we are!

    I wish he’d dress like that
    all the time. So nice!

    Oall your first witness.

    So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
    of Honey Farms, big company you have.

    I suppose so.

    I see you also own
    Honeyburton and Honron!

    Yes, they provide beekeepers
    for our farms.

    Beekeeper. I find that
    to be a very disturbing term.

    I don’t imagine you employ
    any bee-free-ers, do you?

    – No.
    – I couldn’t hear you.

    – No.
    – No.

    Because you don’t free bees.
    You keep bees. Not only that,

    it seems you thought a bear would be
    an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

    They’re very lovable creatures.

    Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

    You mean like this?

    Bears kill bees!

    How’d you like his head crashing
    through your living room?!

    Biting into your couch!
    Spitting out your throw pillows!

    OK, that’s enough. Take him away.

    So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
    Your name intrigues me.

    – Where have I heard it before?
    – I was with a band called The Police.

    But you’ve never been
    a police officer, have you?

    No, I haven’t.

    No, you haven’t. And so here
    we have yet another example

    of bee culture casually
    stolen by a human

    for nothing more than
    a prance-about stage name.

    Oh, please.

    Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

    Because I’m feeling
    a little stung, Sting.

    Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

    That’s not his real name?! You idiots!

    Mr. Liotta, first,
    belated congratulations on

    your Emmy win for a guest spot
    on ER in 2005.

    Thank you. Thank you.

    I see from your resume
    that you’re devilishly handsome

    with a churning inner turmoil
    that’s ready to blow.

    I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

    Not yet it isn’t. But is this
    what it’s come to for you?

    Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
    so you don’t

    have to rehearse
    your part and learn your lines, sir?

    Watch it, Benson!
    I could blow right now!

    This isn’t a goodfella.
    This is a badfella!

    Why doesn’t someone just step on
    this creep, and we can all go home?!

    – Order in this court!
    – You’re all thinking it!

    Order! Order, I say!

    – Say it!
    – Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

    I think it was awfully nice
    of that bear to pitch in like that.

    I think the jury’s on our side.

    Are we doing everything right, legally?

    I’m a florist.

    Right. Well, here’s to a great team.

    To a great team!

    Well, hello.

    – Ken!
    – Hello.

    I didn’t think you were coming.

    No, I was just late.
    I tried to call, but… the battery.

    I didn’t want all this to go to waste,
    so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

    Oh, that was lucky.

    There’s a little left.
    I could heat it up.

    Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

    So I hear you’re quite a tennis player.

    I’m not much for the game myself.
    The ball’s a little grabby.

    That’s where I usually sit.
    Right… there.

    Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

    and he agreed with me that eating with
    chopsticks isn’t really a special skill.

    You think I don’t see what you’re doing?

    I know how hard it is to find
    the rightjob. We have that in common.

    Do we?

    Bees have 100 percent employment,
    but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

    That’s just what
    I was thinking about doing.

    Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
    for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

    I’m going to drain the old stinger.

    Yeah, you do that.

    Look at that.

    You know, I’ve just about had it

    with your little mind games.

    – What’s that?
    – Italian Vogue.

    Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages.

    A lot of ads.

    Remember what Van said, why is
    your life more valuable than mine?

    Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that!

    I think something stinks in here!

    I love the smell of flowers.

    How do you like the smell of flames?!

    Not as much.

    Water bug! Not taking sides!

    Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat!
    This is pathetic!

    I’ve got issues!

    Well, well, well, a royal flush!

    – You’re bluffing.
    – Am I?

    Surf’s up, dude!

    Poo water!

    That bowl is gnarly.

    Except for those dirty yellow rings!

    Kenneth! What are you doing?!

    You know, I don’t even like honey!
    I don’t eat it!

    We need to talk!

    He’s just a little bee!

    And he happens to be
    the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time!

    Long time? What are you talking about?!
    Are there other bugs in your life?

    No, but there are other things bugging
    me in life. And you’re one of them!

    Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night…

    My nerves are fried from riding
    on this emotional roller coaster!

    Goodbye, Ken.

    And for your information,

    I prefer sugar-free, artificial
    sweeteners made by man!

    I’m sorry about all that.

    I know it’s got
    an aftertaste! I like it!

    I always felt there was some kind
    of barrier between Ken and me.

    I couldn’t overcome it.
    Oh, well.

    Are you OK for the trial?

    I believe Mr. Montgomery
    is about out of ideas.

    We would like to call
    Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

    Good idea! You can really see why he’s
    considered one of the best lawyers…

    Yeah.

    Layton, you’ve
    gotta weave some magic

    with this jury,
    or it’s gonna be all over.

    Don’t worry. The only thing I have
    to do to turn this jury around

    is to remind them
    of what they don’t like about bees.

    – You got the tweezers?
    – Are you allergic?

    Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

    Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you
    what I think we’d all like to know.

    What exactly is your relationship

    to that woman?

    We’re friends.

    – Good friends?
    – Yes.

    How good? Do you live together?

    Wait a minute…

    Are you her little…

    …bedbug?

    I’ve seen a bee documentary or two.
    From what I understand,

    doesn’t your queen give birth
    to all the bee children?

    – Yeah, but…
    – So those aren’t your real parents!

    – Oh, Barry…
    – Yes, they are!

    Hold me back!

    You’re an illegitimate bee,
    aren’t you, Benson?

    He’s denouncing bees!

    Don’t y’all date your cousins?

    – Objection!
    – I’m going to pincushion this guy!

    Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants!

    Oh, I’m hit!!

    Oh, lordy, I am hit!

    Order! Order!

    The venom! The venom
    is coursing through my veins!

    I have been felled
    by a winged beast of destruction!

    You see? You can’t treat them
    like equals! They’re striped savages!

    Stinging’s the only thing
    they know! It’s their way!

    – Adam, stay with me.
    – I can’t feel my legs.

    What angel of mercy
    will come forward to suck the poison

    from my heaving buttocks?

    I will have order in this court. Order!

    Order, please!

    The case of the honeybees
    versus the human race

    took a pointed turn against the bees

    yesterday when one of their legal
    team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

    – Hey, buddy.
    – Hey.

    – Is there much pain?
    – Yeah.

    I…

    I blew the whole case, didn’t I?

    It doesn’t matter. What matters is
    you’re alive. You could have died.

    I’d be better off dead. Look at me.

    They got it from the cafeteria
    downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

    Look, there’s
    a little celery still on it.

    What was it like to sting someone?

    I can’t explain it. It was all…

    All adrenaline and then…
    and then ecstasy!

    All right.

    You think it was all a trap?

    Of course. I’m sorry.
    I flew us right into this.

    What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re
    just a couple of bugs in this world.

    What will the humans do to us
    if they win?

    I don’t know.

    I hear they put the roaches in motels.
    That doesn’t sound so bad.

    Adam, they check in,
    but they don’t check out!

    Oh, my.

    Oould you get a nurse
    to close that window?

    – Why?
    – The smoke.

    Bees don’t smoke.

    Right. Bees don’t smoke.

    Bees don’t smoke!
    But some bees are smoking.

    That’s it! That’s our case!

    It is? It’s not over?

    Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere.

    Get back to the court and stall.
    Stall any way you can.

    And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub.

    Mr. Flayman.

    Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

    Where is the rest of your team?

    Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting.

    Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

    and as a result,
    we don’t make very good time.

    I actually heard a funny story about…

    Your Honor,
    haven’t these ridiculous bugs

    taken up enough
    of this court’s valuable time?

    How much longer will we allow
    these absurd shenanigans to go on?

    They have presented no compelling
    evidence to support their charges

    against my clients,
    who run legitimate businesses.

    I move for a complete dismissal
    of this entire case!

    Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going

    to have to consider
    Mr. Montgomery’s motion.

    But you can’t! We have a terrific case.

    Where is your proof?
    Where is the evidence?

    Show me the smoking gun!

    Hold it, Your Honor!
    You want a smoking gun?

    Here is your smoking gun.

    What is that?

    It’s a bee smoker!

    What, this?
    This harmless little contraption?

    This couldn’t hurt a fly,
    let alone a bee.

    Look at what has happened

    to bees who have never been asked,
    “Smoking or non?”

    Is this what nature intended for us?

    To be forcibly addicted
    to smoke machines

    and man-made wooden slat work camps?

    Living out our lives as honey slaves
    to the white man?

    – What are we gonna do?
    – He’s playing the species card.

    Ladies and gentlemen, please,
    free these bees!

    Free the bees! Free the bees!

    Free the bees!

    Free the bees! Free the bees!

    The court finds in favor of the bees!

    Vanessa, we won!

    I knew you could do it! High-five!

    Sorry.

    I’m OK! You know what this means?

    All the honey
    will finally belong to the bees.

    Now we won’t have
    to work so hard all the time.

    This is an unholy perversion
    of the balance of nature, Benson.

    You’ll regret this.

    Barry, how much honey is out there?

    All right. One at a time.

    Barry, who are you wearing?

    My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
    and I have no pants.

    – What if Montgomery’s right?
    – What do you mean?

    We’ve been living the bee way
    a long time, 27 million years.

    Oongratulations on your victory.
    What will you demand as a settlement?

    First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown
    of all bee work camps.

    Then we want back the honey
    that was ours to begin with,

    every last drop.

    We demand an end to the glorification
    of the bear as anything more

    than a filthy, smelly,
    bad-breath stink machine.

    We’re all aware
    of what they do in the woods.

    Wait for my signal.

    Take him out.

    He’ll have nauseous
    for a few hours, then he’ll be fine.

    And we will no longer tolerate
    bee-negative nicknames…

    But it’s just a prance-about stage name!

    …unnecessary inclusion of honey
    in bogus health products

    and la-dee-da human
    tea-time snack garnishments.

    Oan’t breathe.

    Bring it in, boys!

    Hold it right there! Good.

    Tap it.

    Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
    and there’s gallons more coming!

    – I think we need to shut down!
    – Shut down? We’ve never shut down.

    Shut down honey production!

    Stop making honey!

    Turn your key, sir!

    What do we do now?

    Oannonball!

    We’re shutting honey production!

    Mission abort.

    Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
    Returning to base.

    Adam, you wouldn’t believe
    how much honey was out there.

    Oh, yeah?

    What’s going on? Where is everybody?

    – Are they out celebrating?
    – They’re home.

    They don’t know what to do.
    Laying out, sleeping in.

    I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
    to San Antonio with a cricket.

    At least we got our honey back.

    Sometimes I think, so what if humans
    liked our honey? Who wouldn’t?

    It’s the greatest thing in the world!
    I was excited to be part of making it.

    This was my new desk. This was my
    new job. I wanted to do it really well.

    And now…

    Now I can’t.

    I don’t understand
    why they’re not happy.

    I thought their lives would be better!

    They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing.
    Honey really changes people.

    You don’t have any idea
    what’s going on, do you?

    – What did you want to show me?
    – This.

    What happened here?

    That is not the half of it.

    Oh, no. Oh, my.

    They’re all wilting.

    Doesn’t look very good, does it?

    No.

    And whose fault do you think that is?

    You know, I’m gonna guess bees.

    Bees?

    Specifically, me.

    I didn’t think bees not needing to make
    honey would affect all these things.

    It’s notjust flowers.
    Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

    That’s our whole SAT test right there.

    Take away produce, that affects
    the entire animal kingdom.

    And then, of course…

    The human species?

    So if there’s no more pollination,

    it could all just go south here,
    couldn’t it?

    I know this is also partly my fault.

    How about a suicide pact?

    How do we do it?

    – I’ll sting you, you step on me.
    – Thatjust kills you twice.

    Right, right.

    Listen, Barry…
    sorry, but I gotta get going.

    I had to open my mouth and talk.

    Vanessa?

    Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
    Where are you going?

    To the final Tournament of Roses parade
    in Pasadena.

    They’ve moved it to this weekend
    because all the flowers are dying.

    It’s the last chance
    I’ll ever have to see it.

    Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry.
    I never meant it to turn out like this.

    I know. Me neither.

    Tournament of Roses.
    Roses can’t do sports.

    Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

    Roses!

    Vanessa!

    Roses?!

    Barry?

    – Roses are flowers!
    – Yes, they are.

    Flowers, bees, pollen!

    I know.
    That’s why this is the last parade.

    Maybe not.
    Oould you ask him to slow down?

    Oould you slow down?

    Barry!

    OK, I made a huge mistake.
    This is a total disaster, all my fault.

    Yes, it kind of is.

    I’ve ruined the planet.
    I wanted to help you

    with the flower shop.
    I’ve made it worse.

    Actually, it’s completely closed down.

    I thought maybe you were remodeling.

    But I have another idea, and it’s
    greater than my previous ideas combined.

    I don’t want to hear it!

    All right, they have the roses,
    the roses have the pollen.

    I know every bee, plant
    and flower bud in this park.

    All we gotta do is get what they’ve got
    back here with what we’ve got.

    – Bees.
    – Park.

    – Pollen!
    – Flowers.

    – Repollination!
    – Across the nation!

    Tournament of Roses,
    Pasadena, Oalifornia.

    They’ve got nothing
    but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

    Security will be tight.

    I have an idea.

    Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

    Official floral business. It’s real.

    Sorry, ma’am. Nice brooch.

    Thank you. It was a gift.

    Once inside,
    we just pick the right float.

    How about The Princess and the Pea?

    I could be the princess,
    and you could be the pea!

    Yes, I got it.

    – Where should I sit?
    – What are you?

    – I believe I’m the pea.
    – The pea?

    It goes under the mattresses.

    – Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
    – I’m getting the marshal.

    You do that!
    This whole parade is a fiasco!

    Let’s see what this baby’ll do.

    Hey, what are you doing?!

    Then all we do
    is blend in with traffic…

    …without arousing suspicion.

    Once at the airport,
    there’s no stopping us.

    Stop! Security.

    – You and your insect pack your float?
    – Yes.

    Has it been
    in your possession the entire time?

    Would you remove your shoes?

    – Remove your stinger.
    – It’s part of me.

    I know. Just having some fun.
    Enjoy your flight.

    Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have
    just enough pollen to do the job.

    Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
    have just enough pollen to do the job!

    I think this is gonna work.

    It’s got to work.

    Attention, passengers,
    this is Oaptain Scott.

    We have a bit of bad weather
    in New York.

    It looks like we’ll experience
    a couple hours delay.

    Barry, these are cut flowers
    with no water. They’ll never make it.

    I gotta get up there
    and talk to them.

    Be careful.

    Oan I get help
    with the Sky Mall magazine?

    I’d like to order the talking
    inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

    Oaptain, I’m in a real situation.

    – What’d you say, Hal?
    – Nothing.

    Bee!

    Don’t freak out! My entire species…

    What are you doing?

    – Wait a minute! I’m an attorney!
    – Who’s an attorney?

    Don’t move.

    Oh, Barry.

    Good afternoon, passengers.
    This is your captain.

    Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
    please report to the cockpit?

    And please hurry!

    What happened here?

    There was a DustBuster,
    a toupee, a life raft exploded.

    One’s bald, one’s in a boat,
    they’re both unconscious!

    – Is that another bee joke?
    – No!

    No one’s flying the plane!

    This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
    What’s your status?

    This is Vanessa Bloome.
    I’m a florist from New York.

    Where’s the pilot?

    He’s unconscious,
    and so is the copilot.

    Not good. Does anyone onboard
    have flight experience?

    As a matter of fact, there is.

    – Who’s that?
    – Barry Benson.

    From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

    Vanessa, this is nothing more
    than a big metal bee.

    It’s got giant wings, huge engines.

    I can’t fly a plane.

    – Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot?
    – Yes.

    How hard could it be?

    Wait, Barry!
    We’re headed into some lightning.

    This is Bob Bumble. We have some
    late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

    where a suspenseful scene
    is developing.

    Barry Benson,
    fresh from his legal victory…

    That’s Barry!

    …is attempting to land a plane,
    loaded with people, flowers

    and an incapacitated flight crew.

    Flowers?!

    We have a storm in the area
    and two individuals at the controls

    with absolutely no flight experience.

    Just a minute.
    There’s a bee on that plane.

    I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson
    and his no-account compadres.

    They’ve done enough damage.

    But isn’t he your only hope?

    Technically, a bee
    shouldn’t be able to fly at all.

    Their wings are too small…

    Haven’t we heard this a million times?

    “The surface area of the wings
    and body mass make no sense.”

    – Get this on the air!
    – Got it.

    – Stand by.
    – We’re going live.

    The way we work may be a mystery to you.

    Making honey takes a lot of bees
    doing a lot of small jobs.

    But let me tell you about a small job.

    If you do it well,
    it makes a big difference.

    More than we realized.
    To us, to everyone.

    That’s why I want to get bees
    back to working together.

    That’s the bee way!
    We’re not made of Jell-O.

    We get behind a fellow.

    – Black and yellow!
    – Hello!

    Left, right, down, hover.

    – Hover?
    – Forget hover.

    This isn’t so hard.
    Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

    Barry, what happened?!

    Wait, I think we were
    on autopilot the whole time.

    – That may have been helping me.
    – And now we’re not!

    So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

    All of you, let’s get
    behind this fellow! Move it out!

    Move out!

    Our only chance is if I do what I’d do,
    you copy me with the wings of the plane!

    Don’t have to yell.

    I’m not yelling!
    We’re in a lot of trouble.

    It’s very hard to concentrate
    with that panicky tone in your voice!

    It’s not a tone. I’m panicking!

    I can’t do this!

    Vanessa, pull yourself together.
    You have to snap out of it!

    You snap out of it.

    You snap out of it.

    – You snap out of it!
    – You snap out of it!

    – You snap out of it!
    – You snap out of it!

    – You snap out of it!
    – You snap out of it!

    – Hold it!
    – Why? Oome on, it’s my turn.

    How is the plane flying?

    I don’t know.

    Hello?

    Benson, got any flowers
    for a happy occasion in there?

    The Pollen Jocks!

    They do get behind a fellow.

    – Black and yellow.
    – Hello.

    All right, let’s drop this tin can
    on the blacktop.

    Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you?

    No, nothing. It’s all cloudy.

    Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

    – Thinking bee.
    – Thinking bee.

    Thinking bee!
    Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

    Wait a minute.
    I think I’m feeling something.

    – What?
    – I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me.

    Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

    Bring the nose down.

    Thinking bee!
    Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

    – What in the world is on the tarmac?
    – Get some lights on that!

    Thinking bee!
    Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

    – Vanessa, aim for the flower.
    – OK.

    Out the engines. We’re going in
    on bee power. Ready, boys?

    Affirmative!

    Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it.

    Land on that flower!

    Ready? Full reverse!

    Spin it around!

    – Not that flower! The other one!
    – Which one?

    – That flower.
    – I’m aiming at the flower!

    That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
    I mean the giant pulsating flower

    made of millions of bees!

    Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

    Rotate around it.

    – This is insane, Barry!
    – This’s the only way I know how to fly.

    Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
    flying in an insect-like pattern?

    Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid.
    Smell it. Full reverse!

    Just drop it. Be a part of it.

    Aim for the center!

    Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

    Oome on, already.

    Barry, we did it!
    You taught me how to fly!

    – Yes. No high-five!
    – Right.

    Barry, it worked!
    Did you see the giant flower?

    What giant flower? Where? Of course
    I saw the flower! That was genius!

    – Thank you.
    – But we’re not done yet.

    Listen, everyone!

    This runway is covered
    with the last pollen

    from the last flowers
    available anywhere on Earth.

    That means this is our last chance.

    We’re the only ones who make honey,
    pollinate flowers and dress like this.

    If we’re gonna survive as a species,
    this is our moment! What do you say?

    Are we going to be bees, orjust
    Museum of Natural History keychains?

    We’re bees!

    Keychain!

    Then follow me! Except Keychain.

    Hold on, Barry. Here.

    You’ve earned this.

    Yeah!

    I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect
    fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

    Oh, yeah.

    That’s our Barry.

    Mom! The bees are back!

    If anybody needs
    to make a call, now’s the time.

    I got a feeling we’ll be
    working late tonight!

    Here’s your change. Have a great
    afternoon! Oan I help who’s next?

    Would you like some honey with that?
    It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these.

    Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me.
    And I don’t see a nickel!

    Sometimes I just feel
    like a piece of meat!

    I had no idea.

    Barry, I’m sorry.
    Have you got a moment?

    Would you excuse me?
    My mosquito associate will help you.

    Sorry I’m late.

    He’s a lawyer too?

    I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
    All I needed was a briefcase.

    Have a great afternoon!

    Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
    and I can’t get them anywhere.

    No problem, Vannie.
    Just leave it to me.

    You’re a lifesaver, Barry.
    Oan I help who’s next?

    All right, scramble, jocks!
    It’s time to fly.

    Thank you, Barry!

    That bee is living my life!

    Let it go, Kenny.

    – When will this nightmare end?!
    – Let it all go.

    – Beautiful day to fly.
    – Sure is.

    Between you and me,
    I was dying to get out of that office.

    You have got
    to start thinking bee, my friend.

    – Thinking bee!
    – Me?

    Hold it. Let’s just stop
    for a second. Hold it.

    I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.
    Oan we stop here?

    I’m not making a major life decision
    during a production number!

    All right. Take ten, everybody.
    Wrap it up, guys.

    I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

    Special thanks to SergeiK.

  • Mike Wazowski

    In the beginning Harambe created the heaven and the earth.
    And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Harambe moved upon the face of the waters.
    And Harambe said, Let there be light: and there was light.
    And Harambe saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
    And Harambe called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
    And Harambe said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
    And Harambe made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
    And Harambe called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
    And Harambe said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
    And Harambe called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
    And Harambe said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
    And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and Harambe saw that it was good.
    And the evening and the morning were the third day.
    And Harambe said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
    And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
    And Harambe made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
    And Harambe set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
    And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and Harambe saw that it was good.
    And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
    And Harambe said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.
    And Harambe created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
    And Harambe blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.
    And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
    And Harambe said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
    And Harambe made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
    And Harambe said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
    So Harambe created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
    And Harambe blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
    And Harambe said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
    And then Harambe was shot.

  • GIIIIIIIBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYY (leftist propaganda)

    Little mayyyyyo Some mustarrrrrd Some turkey breastess, Slice of tomato, A little iceberg Off the port bow.
    Back off, jerk.
    Carly, where’s the fly-swatter? I threw it away.
    why? ’cause it’s not nice To kill things.
    Yeah, I guess you’re right.
    I’m gonna kill you so hard.
    what are you doing? nothing! Just readin’ the bible.
    This pharaoh guy’s Really givin’ moses a hard time.
    You wanna rest there For a minute, mister fly? Okay, that’s cool.
    That’s a comfy countertop, Isn’t it? Don’t mind me.
    I’m not gonna kill you With an umbrella or anything.
    It’s just that today’s Weather forecast Calls for death.
    Ah, dang it! You made me break The countertop.
    what happened? what was that noise? I don’t know.
    I was reading this bible.
    this is a mexican cookbook.
    we can still learn from it.
    how’d the counter get broken? some lady came and you were trying To kill the fly.
    flies like to die.
    hello.
    Can I in? Okay, thanks.
    Freddie.
    hey, what’s up? guess what’s in this box? donuts.
    no.
    muffins.
    no.
    corn dogs.
    no.
    chocolate.
    no, it’s not food.
    then who cares? what’s in the box? oh, just some photos.
    of donuts? no! Me.
    What? it’s just a funny pose.
    it’s a natural pose.
    of course, it is.
    I do this all the time.
    Don’t you, carls? totally.
    I find it both natural And not-stupid looking.
    say girls, How do your chins feel? mine’s warm.
    mine’s firm.
    all right, enough.
    why do you have A billion pictures of yourself? just a thousand And they’re for me to autograph At webicon.
    your mom’s gonna let you Come with me and Sam? my mom Doesn’t control me anymore.
    did she say you have to sit By the emergency exit On the train? yes.
    and text message her Five times a day? no.
    six? maybe.
    you know, I read that this year’s webicon Is gonna be twice As big as last year’s.
    another reason I don’t wanna go.
    Oh, come on! everyone who’s anyone On the web is gonna be there.
    yeah but most of ’em Are nerds and losers And stubrags.
    It’s like A benson family reunion.
    you know, I’d be more offended If I knew what a stubrag was.
    She stuck her tongue in my ear! yeah, lucky you.
    aw, man! I thought I killed you! Spencer he’s a fly.
    Why shouldn’t I try to It’s on your I know.
    Got him.
    you didn’t get him.
    oh no? Well look at Stubrag! In 5, 4, 3, 2 Whatcha doin’? Checking the iCarly email.
    Anything good? Yeah, here’s a fun one.
    “hey, guys.
    “I love watching iCarly, “but my mom says Sam Is a bad role model.
    ” smart mom.
    I know, right? hey, Toss me my red thumb drive.
    Thanks.
    what are you doin’? pre-packing for webicon.
    Don’t you guys love How travel-size bottles Make you feel like a wiant? Grrrr! Shampoo! Grrrr! Mouthwash! Grrrrr! yeah, add that to the list.
    of what? reasons why you don’t have A lot of friends.
    oh, here’s a v-mail From a fan.
    play it.
    how do I put it up On the monitor? command-j.
    command-j.
    hello, iCarly.
    I mean, I doubt You’re really watching this ’cause you guys probably Get a ga’jillion emails a day.
    But if you are seeing this Icarly is my life.
    I see a girlfriend For Freddie.
    My name is Nora Dershlit.
    Dershlit.
    It’s not funny.
    okay.
    This Friday is my 16th birthday.
    And I heard that iCarly’s Gonna be at webicon This weekend, Which is only 15 minutes From my house, So I was wondering if you guys Would come to my Sweet 16 birthday party.
    will you delete this? don’t be mean.
    Watch.
    last year when I turned 15, I had a party But nobody showed up.
    Anyways, I was thinking If the iCarly gang Comes to my party, Maybe other kids would come Since you guys are all cool And popular.
    this is so sad.
    should we go? yeah.
    what? I don’t wanna go To Nora Dershlit’s Lame birthday party.
    that girl has a sad life.
    so does Freddie.
    We can’t fix the world.
    it could be A really fun party.
    There’s gonna be games gross.
    And karaoke lame.
    And a clown And a big Chocolate fountain.
    I say we go.
    aren’t there professionals That fix countertops? uh, excuse me, I’m a sculptor.
    I think I can fix A little broken countertop.
    Ow, owie! just call a dude.
    I am a dude.
    a real dude.
    dude.
    hey.
    Sam’s mom here yet? nah, they’re late ’cause she was bleaching Her mustache.
    Sam’s gonna text me When they drive up.
    Are you sure You don’t wanna come to webicon With us? you know, I so would, But I so don’t want to.
    hey look.
    I typed up a complete itinerary For our whole trip.
    you’re so your mother.
    don’t be vicious.
    Okay.
    The train gets into olympia At 7:07.
    We take a cab to Nora’s house, Arriving there by 7:26, Party ’till 7:45, Then cab it back to the hotel Getting there by 8:05, Then we check in to our when do we go To the bathroom? that is up to your bladder.
    do girls have bladders? no, we store pee in our feet.
    don’t joke about urine! sorry.
    Sam’s here.
    to webicon! All right.
    gibster.
    What up, little weirdo? not much.
    Carly here? nah, she just left With Freddie and Sam For webicon.
    You can catch ’em If you hurry down no.
    I don’t need to catch ’em.
    I just wanted To return this sleeping bag.
    I don’t need it anymore.
    You should probably wash that.
    don’t you need that for camp? no.
    I just found out I’m too old for camp.
    too old? yeah, once you turn 15, They won’t let you go anymore.
    well, I know how you feel.
    I remember when they said I wasn’t allowed to go To camp anymore.
    ’cause you were too old? no.
    So, if you can’t go to camp, What are you gonna do? I don’t know.
    Sit home.
    Take a bath.
    Watch reruns Of different strokes.
    hey.
    How would you like to go to camp Right here in this apartment? whatchoo talkin’ ’bout Spencer? I’m gonna call your mom And tell her you can come To camp Spencer, right here For the next few days.
    What do you say to that? I say dy-no-mite! you watch a lot Of classic tv.
    what do you mean? well.
    Looks like a rockin’ Sweet 16 party.
    can you improve Your attitude? maybewith some kind Of medication My mom can’t afford.
    no way! Icarly! happy birthday.
    hey.
    feliz navidad.
    I can’t believe you guys Really came.
    I’m Nora.
    hi.
    I’m Carly, and this is chuh! I know who you guys are! Enter! Enter! thanks.
    you can put Your bags there.
    here, okay.
    oh,all right.
    hi.
    hi.
    so, where’s everybody else? I don’t know.
    I told everyone at my school And local youth group That I invited the iCarly kids, But I guess they didn’t think You’d really come.
    Well, maybe some of them Will show up soon.
    I don’t know.
    anyway.
    So, I see the clown’s here.
    yay, a clown.
    He’s 87 years old And his name is cramps.
    hey cramps, what’s up? cramps.
    ‘sup? oh, and here.
    I’ll put on some music.
    Here’s a tasty tape.
    tape? Oh No dance me.
    come in! hello fellow camper! oh hey, Gib.
    Where’s your mom? she dropped me off.
    she didn’t want to come up And see me? nope.
    okay.
    Whoa, nice lanyard.
    thanks.
    I made it at camp last year.
    shut up! true chiz! awesome.
    so what’s our first Camp activity? I was gonna plan Some stuff, But then I got stuck working On this countertop all day And it’s still not fixed.
    no problem.
    Let’s fix The countertop together, Then start camp.
    who’s awesome? gibbah! poor clown.
    we got a guy that 1099’d.
    careful going out.
    is cramps gonna be okay? maybe.
    Uh, probably not.
    oh man.
    well, happy birthday.
    thank you.
    gee, Nora.
    I’m really sorry Your clown had an aneurysm.
    I’m sorry he had an aneurysm While I was dancing with him.
    this is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.
    poor Nora.
    What a horrible birthday.
    can we go? Well, this one said We were only gonna be here And it’s been an hour.
    I wanna go to our hotel, Order room service, And get ready For webicon tomorrow.
    it’s her birthday And she’s sobbing Into her fireplace.
    her clown had an aneurysm.
    we can’t just leave her here All alone.
    I wonder Where her parents are.
    yo Nora, Where’s your mom and dad? they took a vacation To stanker, wyoming.
    wait.
    You’re their only kid, And it’s your 16th birthday And they picked this week To take a trip to stanker? well, they got a good deal On the plane fare.
    Usually round-trip tickets To stanker are 300 bucks.
    But they got a super-saver deal For only 290.
    They had to snatch That opportunity.
    if you just heard A loud crack, That was my heart breaking.
    Nora, we’re really sorry That this birthday Isn’t goin’ so great.
    it’s okay.
    I’ve had worse birthdays.
    dude, Your parents abandoned you, Nobody showed up to your party, And then your clown burped And had an aneurysm.
    No offense, but how could you Have had a worse birthday? alright, I know what we can do.
    go to our hotel And pretend this never happened? no.
    Nora, you said you told Every kid you know We were coming here, But they didn’t believe We’d show up, right? okay, so let’s do A little iCarly.
    sure.
    how are people gonna know We’re on? we tweet.
    no way! You guys are gonna do Icarly live from my house? no.
    yes.
    And then people will see We really are here And maybe they’ll come.
    oh they will! I just know they will! This is so exciting! I swear I could just I could just Oh, that’s bile.
    I think I’m gonna boot.
    spence? I don’t mean to be rude, But I’ve been sittin’ here For two hours doing nothing.
    I know.
    I’m sorry.
    you said this would be Like camp.
    How long it’s gonna take you To fix that countertop? it’s done.
    it is? I just applied the lacquer.
    Now, I test it by setting This bottle right here On the previously broken corner.
    nice work.
    thanks.
    time for camp? yep.
    I was thinkin’ we could start With maybe you should have waited Longer for it to dry.
    really? in 5, 4, 3, 2 oh, la la.
    oui, oui.
    Okay, we know This isn’t our regular night.
    we’re irregular.
    but don’t freak out this is still iCarly! now if you live in olympia And go to school at ponderosa high school.
    ponderosa high school Then you may know This chick! hello, peers.
    I told you guys Icarly might come.
    and that’s Nora.
    and it’s her 16th birthday! wooo! 16! Now, if Nora invited you To this wing-ding And you wanna meet Sam, Freddie, and me Then get your butts Over here to Nora’s house.
    you can meet my chicken, Maurice.
    so come on down To Nora’s house, people.
    better hurry.
    you already missed the clown.
    you really gotta take The whole countertop off? yeah, I told you I need to set it on its side So I can epoxy the corner Back on And secure it with clamps ’till the epoxy dries.
    and then we get to do Camp stuff? I promise.
    Now c’mon and help me Lift the counter off.
    On “lift.
    ” we did it! Gibby.
    hi.
    Hello.
    Welcome.
    Enter.
    Enter.
    Shhhhh, iCarly’s happening.
    and now hey.
    Cleetus.
    You wanna sip a’this here Rut beer? hey.
    well, hello there, Young farm girl.
    you’re a cowboy.
    why, yes’m.
    I surely am that.
    how much did your Sports car cost? uh, pardon me? this sports car.
    Was he expensive? oh, now missy Surely you must have taken A handful of idjit pills, For this here ain’t nary A sports car.
    Him’s a chicken.
    does he have leather seats? uh, no ma’am.
    He’s made of feathers.
    does he come With GPS navigation? what the?! Now listen here, she-dummy! This here’s the old west.
    Ain’t no GPS nava-m’gation done Been invented yet! that’s my chicken.
    I love that new car smell.
    I will thank you kindly Not to sniff my chicken.
    come on, Gib.
    Just a few more feet.
    man, it’s so heavy.
    that’s ’cause It’s made of granite.
    Solid rock.
    Heavy stuff.
    why couldn’t we just fix The old countertop? Gibby! Anyway, granite countertops Are better.
    They’re real classy.
    we never installed Granite countertops at my camp.
    I told you, As soon as we get this fixed, It’s camp time.
    yeah, you tell me A lot of things.
    okay, now, let’s gently Set this countertop On top of the cabinet.
    all right.
    watch your fingers.
    Lift it, lift it.
    Little more my way, careful.
    okay, back it up, back up.
    right in there, slide it.
    okay.
    perfect.
    that’s a nice piece.
    thanks.
    Now all I gotta do Is take this drill and Don’t cry, don’t cry, come on.
    I just wanna go to camp, man.
    hey guys, having fun.
    yeah.
    totally.
    I swear, Nora, This may be the best party Of the year.
    really? yeah.
    Thanks for inviting us.
    no thank you for coming.
    excuse me.
    You guys.
    Oh, my gosh.
    This is the best night Of my life.
    I bet.
    that’s really nice.
    I’m so excited.
    I could I could just calm down, it’s okay.
    No need to vomit.
    I’m okay.
    I started to vomit But then I swallowed it.
    hey, Nora, You gotta come see this.
    oh, my gosh.
    No one’s ever asked me To come see anything before.
    well go see it.
    I will.
    I’m gonna go see it.
    c’mon.
    1, 2, 3, 4, lift.
    All right, to the left.
    No, no, no, my left.
    what? the other way.
    you said left so I We hit the column.
    I can fix that.
    but it cracked the ceiling.
    I know.
    With a little spackle I can just patch yeah.
    This is just like camp.
    Gibby.
    see you at school.
    oh, it is so cool That you got iCarly To come to your party.
    aren’t they wonderful? yeah.
    Hey, next weekend A bunch of us girls Are gonna get mani-pedis, You wanna come? oh yes.
    I’d love to get both a mani And a pedi with girls.
    okay.
    bye.
    Bye.
    you rock, Nora.
    no, we all rock together.
    yeah, okay.
    yeah.
    Bye.
    Bye.
    bye.
    thank you.
    Thank you.
    thanks for coming.
    see you, guys.
    Bye-bye.
    Thanks for coming.
    adios.
    best night ever! Thank you! okay.
    You’re welcome.
    but we’re leaving now.
    oh, must you go? uh, yeah, we really need To get to our hotel.
    uh, where’s our luggage? oh, I put all your bags Down in the basement So no one would grope them.
    Follow me.
    all right.
    who gropes luggage? step, step, step, step, step, Step, step, step, step, step.
    This is a Yatsabishi 256-track Audio mixing board.
    cool, why don’t you use it To beam yourself to Jupiter? is that necessary? I could’a said Uranus.
    why do you have this? oh, my dad’s In the jingle business.
    Like, you know that fat cake Commercial where they sing I don’t need nothin’ ♪ but a fat cake ♪ I love that jingle.
    your dad wrote that? yep.
    Recorded it right in there.
    Go take a look.
    okay.
    I wanna see.
    really? cool.
    whoa, cool.
    nice sound booth.
    beyo.
    I’m sorry, Carly, I couldn’t hear you.
    Again, please? I said why’d you close The door? Because I can’t let you leave.
    locked.
    what do you mean, You can’t let us leave? I mean that tonight Was the first time in my life I was ever popular.
    You’re angels That were sent to me To change my life.
    I can’t let my angels fly away.
    Nora, we have to go.
    mmm-no, I can’t let That happen.
    okay, I’m calling Spencer.
    Looking for these? Sam, stop.
    No! You’ve been doing that For hours.
    it’s not gonna break.
    I gotta get outta here, man.
    I feel like I’m back In juvie.
    good morning, angels.
    I trust you all slept well.
    no.
    we did not sleep well.
    why not? ’cause I had a nightmare That a psycho monster Locked me in a cage And wouldn’t let me leave! well, that monster Won’t bother you anymore.
    You’re safely trapped In my sound booth.
    how could she not get My metaphor? you better let us outta here Or I’ll smash my way out! oh, silly Sam.
    You can’t smash it.
    That’s maxi-glass.
    maxi-glass? it’s a transparent Polycarbonate thermoplastic That’s highly resistant to Whoa? you were boring me.
    will you just please Let us outta here? oh no.
    why not? because with you As my friends, I’m finally popular.
    I can’t go back To being a lonely nub, With only a chicken to talk to.
    y’know Nora, If we don’t show up At webicon this morning, People are gonna know Something’s wrong.
    yeah, and they’re gonna come Lookin’ for us.
    no.
    I contacted webicon This morning, Said I was Carly, And canceled your appearance.
    what? dude! Nora! yeah.
    when our families Don’t hear from us, They’re gonna call the cops.
    yeah, the cops.
    that’s right.
    which is why I used Your cell phone To text message your families And tell them Everything’s going just fine.
    you did not.
    did too.
    Here, I’ll read you Their responses.
    Spencer texted back, “coolio.
    Have fun.
    ” Freddie, your mother Texted back, “remember to apply Your ointment.
    ” And Sam’s mother texted, “I finally popped that thing On my back.
    ” wow, she’s been squeezin’ That thing since christmas.
    Gibby! Hey, Gibby, wake up! Rise and shine, Lil’ camper! mornin’.
    okay.
    So, you wanna hear the schedule For camp Spencer today? sure, read it.
    okay.
    We’re gonna play some kickball, Make some lanyards, Do some archery, Rewire a light fixture, Cook some wieners you said Rewire a light fixture.
    yeah.
    See I need to you promised we were done With the home improvements.
    we just have to fix The stuff we already started.
    See, when we knocked The granite countertop Into this column, We shorted out this switch To the light over the island.
    See? but I wanna do camp stuff.
    we slept in a tent Last night.
    that’s not a tent.
    That’s a bunch of garbage And duct tape.
    you slept like a bunny.
    ’cause I was exhausted From helpin’ you With all your fix-it projects! look, we can Stand around here arguing About who usfd who As a day laborer, Or we can fix this stuff And then start Doing camp activities.
    okayAs long as you promise That we’ll I’ll be in the garbage tent.
    so, which photo of myself Do you guys think I should use On my splashface page? Side-smile, or ponytail? I dunno, Nora.
    the one on the left’s cute, But the one on the right Really captures Your inner insanity.
    you really think This one makes me look cute? dude, if I don’t get Some food in the next hour, I’m gonna eat Freddie.
    get her some food, Nora.
    okay.
    I’ll get you guys some food, If I can get a little something From Freddie.
    what? a kiss.
    No chance.
    yes.
    when she opens the door, We can beat her down And get outta here.
    um, that room is filled With microphones, And I don’t want To be beaten down.
    So, I’ll just kiss Freddie Through the glass.
    not happening.
    then no food for the icarlys.
    just put your lips On the glass.
    are you serious? I’m hungry.
    me too, But I’m not gonna just put My lips up come on.
    oh, no, Sam.
    Oh, come on.
    pucker up.
    come and get it, Nora.
    oh I will.
    I will get it.
    no, no, no, no, no.
    c’mon.
    Slide ’em around.
    this is so romantic.
    all the way.
    Gibby.
    I’m gettin’ it.
    mom, what are you guys Doin’ here? your little brother Misses you.
    oh, you do? how’s camp Spencer? I dunno.
    Better than sittin’ home, I guess.
    well, can guppy Stay with you guys, Just for tonight? mom he really wants to play With you.
    okay.
    yay.
    You be sweet And do everything Your brother says, okay? yes, you can take off Your shirt.
    whip it off, kid.
    bye, boys.
    you don’t wanna say Hey to Spencer? no.
    okay, gup.
    Go wait over there.
    I gotta hit the loo.
    Gibby, I found The measuring tape.
    Who was at the door? And what did they do to you? pretty decent chinese food, Right? yeah.
    sure.
    it’s all right.
    I didn’t order anything With chicken Out of respect for maurice.
    It’s pork! This is so grand.
    Just four pals and a chicken HangingChewingRelating it’s like that.
    you’ve been gnawing On that duck bone For 10 minutes.
    you’re a duck bone.
    we’ve got to get outta here.
    but how? hey Nora yeah, what’s up, carls? can I please have Some hot mustard For my egg roll? well, sure.
    That’s the kinda thing Friends do for each other So I’d be happy to.
    thanks.
    let us outta here! Let us out! Let us out! Ah! Ah! Release me! let us out.
    Let us out.
    no, no, no, no, no, no.
    I gave you the hot mustard! nice try.
    yeah yeah.
    say guys! I have some cool stuff I want to show you all.
    Wait here, okay? Not that you have any choice.
    Giggle.
    what are you doing? pickin’ this lock.
    with a duck bone? yeah, I was chewin’ on it To make the end sharp.
    Although I did enjoy the marrow.
    I don’t think you can pick A lock with a duck bone.
    I’ve picked locks with less.
    we’re out! run! go, go, go, go, go, go.
    well, that was a fine Howdy-do.
    I come down here all excited To show you guys My richard nixon mask And my medieval hatchet, And I catch you Trying to run away.
    Oh, I can’t stay mad At you guys.
    Sing with me.
    one hundred cartons of milk ♪ on the wall ♪ one hundred cartons of milk ♪ you take one down ♪ open the spout ♪ drinkity-drink ♪ till the milk runs out ♪ sing it.
    Here, I’ll turn up my volume.
    ninety-nine cartons of milk ♪ on the wall ♪ ninety-nine cartons of milk ♪ you take one down ♪ open the spout ♪ drinkity-drink ♪ till the milk runs out ♪ Why did Nora leave The stupid microphone on? Hey, friends! Who missed me? you left the mic on With the volume up.
    your chicken blew Our ear drums out! sorry, I was upstairs Microwaving this food pocket.
    You know my dad Wrote their jingle.
    Oh, I just burned the snot Outta my mouth! I forgot, you’re supposed To let a food pocket Sit for two minutes Before you eat it.
    Nora.
    Y’know our friend Gibby? sure.
    I’ve seen you guys Humiliate him On iCarly many a’time.
    right, well, uh, see, Tomorrow’s his birthday, And we promised we’d send him A special birthday video From webicon.
    we did? yes we did.
    So, would it be okay If we made a video And sent it to him? all right.
    You can make a video But no tricks.
    I’ll be watching Your every move.
    no tricks.
    Where’s your camera? upstairs.
    Freddie left his camera Upstairs.
    Could you get it for us? okay.
    Back in a blintz.
    Ah! Still hot! Man! Jim gaffigan was right! My palate is blistering.
    Gibby’s birthday Was five months ago.
    I know.
    I have a plan.
    that’s it, maurice! when I get outta here It’s you, me, And a bottle of barbecue sauce! hey Spencer.
    Spence? Where’d he go? Oh, a note.
    “Gibby and guppy.
    ” Shirt down.
    “went to buy supplies “to fix kitchen.
    “if you want breakfast, “there’s food pockets “in the freezer.
    “after you microwave them, “be sure to wait two minutes “before eating.
    I cannot stress that enough.
    ” Okay, gup You get the food pockets Out of the freezer, I’m gonna check my email.
    Hey! Happy birthday message From Carly, Sam, and Freddie! Nice.
    Wait, it’s not my birthday.
    Happy birthday Gibby! Sorry we can’t be with you On your special day.
    but at least you got To spend the 4th of July With us.
    yeah, we’re always together Every 4th of July.
    every fourth.
    word! every fourth.
    word! and now, Here’s our birthday message To you Which starts now.
    have the greatest birthday.
    go crazy.
    kiss your pretty girl.
    sorry, we’re still trapped At webicon.
    forgive us.
    have fun.
    and please make sure You save some cake for us.
    happy birthday! happy birthday! you know It’s not my birthday.
    There’s somethin’ suspicious Goin’ on.
    every fourth.
    word.
    every fourth.
    word.
    every fourth.
    Word.
    every fourth.
    Word.
    okay, Sam, your turn.
    Give me a noun.
    blood.
    okay.
    Now Freddie, You supply an adjective.
    psychotic.
    oh, good one.
    And Carly, a verb.
    choke.
    well, you’ve already used Choke three times, but okay.
    Oh, mad libs are endless fun.
    oh man.
    Gup, check out what it says If I play every fourth word.
    the crazy girl trapped us please save us.
    “the crazy girl trapped us, Please save us.
    ” We gotta catch a train To olympia! happy birthday.
    c’mon! Okay, just stay back And let me do the talkin’.
    happy birthday! dude, you know It’s not my birthday.
    They just sent me that message To let me know that may I help you? Yeah.
    My name is Gibby.
    oh yes.
    I recognize you From your appearances On iCarly.
    Thanks.
    The show’s a lotta fun.
    Anyway, I was wonderin’.
    Do you have Carly, Sam, And Freddie trapped here? no.
    Good day.
    Wait.
    Are you sure they’re not here? yes.
    There’s no one in my basement.
    I didn’t say anything About your basement.
    no one sees the wizard.
    okay.
    No problem.
    I’ll justGo away.
    get outta my house! where are my friends?! happy birthday! why is Nora screaming? where are my friends?! is that Gibby?! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! go Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! Gibby! it is Gibby! get her, Gib! kick her butt, Gibby! Gibby! Gibby, come on Gibby.
    come on.
    come on.
    Come on.
    punchy freak! kick her butt, Gibby.
    help me, maurice!! come on.
    Gibby, come on, please.
    Get up.
    Get up, Gibby.
    Get up, get up, get up.
    Get up.
    Gibby.
    Come on.
    Gibby.
    come on, Gibby.
    take her down that’s right.
    Do it.
    do what she did to you.
    take her down.
    you can take her.
    come on.
    You can do it.
    come on.
    Yeah.
    Yeah.
    Gibby, come on.
    Get up.
    You can do it.
    You can do it.
    it’s guppy.
    why is Gibby’s little Brother here? I dunno! guppy guppy, come here Bring those over here.
    Guppy, come here, come here, Come here On the hole right there.
    Come on.
    great job, buddy.
    Gibby! Gibby get up! It’s fine, it’s fine.
    how’d you get out?! come here.
    let me go! This is not how friends behave! oh Getting Sleepy Feeling good to see ya, Gib.
    happy birthday! thanks buddy.
    oh, Gibby.
    You did it.
    I can’t believe You were able to The champion is Gibby.
    now this feels like camp.
    see? hey, you really did A nice job Fixing the countertop.
    easy, sarcastic.
    I’ve already booked a dude To come fix everything.
    good.
    so this Nora girl, What she look like? here.
    why’s she sleeping On the floor? she’s unconscious.
    you did the vulcan Squeezy thing? what’s that on her stomach? a chicken.
    maybe we shouldn’t have Called the cops on Nora.
    she kidnapped us.
    But she just wanted friends.
    She bought us chinese food.
    she’ll have plenty Of friends in prison.
    yeah, but those aren’t Quality friends.
    good idea.
    You guys wanna sing a camp song? sure.
    yeah, why not? no.
    Oh, I got one! one hundred cartons of milk ♪ on the wall ♪ one hundred cartons ♪ of milk ♪ you take one down ♪ open the spout ♪ drinkity-drink ♪

  • no

    it’s time to stop

  • shooting star

    Why i’m telling my parents that I should go to the UK for college

  • Jesus

    I want to get a P.hd in Memeology. Sigh me up. Lel

  • IM STONED LOL
    @DONALT TRUMP YOU SUCK DICK

  • Why are you reading this

    hudhgsidsdsgsgkhshjgh dshg

  • Jake Paul

    [Jake Paul:]
    Y’all can’t handle this
    Y’all don’t know whats about to happen baby
    Team 10
    Los Angeles – Cali boy
    But I’m from Ohio tho – white boy

    It’s everyday bro
    With the Disney Channel flow
    5 mill on YouTube in 6 months
    Never done before
    We pass all the competition man
    Pewdiepie is next
    Man I’m poppin’ all these checks
    Got a brand new Rolex
    And I met a Lambo too
    And I’m coming with the crew
    This is Team 10, bitch
    Who the hell are flippin’ you?
    And you know I kick them out
    If they ain’t with the crew
    Yeah, I’m talking about you
    You beggin’ for attention
    Talking shit on Twitter too
    But you still hit my phone last night
    It was 4:52 and I got the text to prove
    And all the recordings too
    Don’t make me tell them the truth
    And I just drop some new merch
    And they are selling like a God church
    Ohio is where I’m from
    We chew ’em like it’s gum
    We shooting with a gun
    The tattoo just for fun
    I Usain Bolt and run
    Catch me at game one
    I can not be outdone
    Jake Paul is number one

    It’s everyday bro
    It’s everyday bro
    It’s everyday bro
    I said it’s everyday bro!

    [Nick Crompton:]
    You know it’s Nick Crompton
    And my collar stay poppin’
    Yes, I can rap
    And no, I am not from Compton
    England is my city
    And if it weren’t for Team 10
    Then the US would be shitty
    And I’ll pass it to Chance
    ‘Cuz you know he stay litty

    [Chance Sutton:]
    Two months ago
    You didn’t know my name
    And now you want my fame?
    Bitch I’m blowin’ up
    I’m only going up
    Now, I’m going off
    I’m never fallin’ off
    Like Magg, who?
    Digi who?
    Who are you?
    All these beefs I just ran through
    Hit a milli in a month
    Where were you?
    Hatin’ on me back in West Fake
    You need to get your shit straight
    Jakey brought me to the top
    Now we’re really poppin’ on
    Number 1 and number 4
    That’s why these fans all out the door
    It’s lonely at the top
    So we all going
    We left Ohio
    Now the trio is all rollin’
    It’s Team 10, bitch
    We back again, always first, never last
    We the future, we’ll see you in the past

    [Jake Paul:]
    It’s everyday bro
    It’s everyday bro
    It’s everyday bro
    I said it’s everyday bro!

    [Martinez Twins:]
    Hold on!
    Hold on, hold on, hold on
    Can we switch the language?
    We bout’ to hit it

    Sí, lo único que quiero es dinero
    Trabajando en YouTube todo el día entero
    Viviendo en USA
    El sueño de cualquiera
    Enviando dólares a mi familia entera
    Tenemos una persona por encima
    Se llama Donald Trump y está en la cima
    Desde aquí te cantamos
    Can I get my visa?
    Martinez Twins, representando España
    Desde la pobreza a la fama

    [Jake Paul:]
    It’s everyday bro
    It’s everyday bro
    It’s everyday bro
    I said it’s everyday bro!

    [Tessa Brooks:]
    Yo, it’s Tessa Brooks
    The competition shook
    These guys up on me
    I got ’em with the hook
    Lemme educate ya’
    And I ain’t talking book
    Panera is your home?
    So stop calling my phone
    I’m fly like a drone
    Stay flying like a loan
    Yeah, I smell good
    Is that your boy’s cologne?

    [Jake Paul:]
    Is that your boy’s cologne?
    Started balling, quicken loans
    Now I’m in my flippin’ zone
    Yes, the all copy me
    But, that’s some shitty clones
    All designer clothes
    And they ask me what I make
    I said is 10 with six zeros
    Always plug, merch link in bio
    And I will see you tomorrow ‘cuz
    It’s everyday bro!
    Peace

  • Wtf is this fake ass bullshit ma nigger?
    reddit level memes right here kys

  • Francis of the filth

    It’s gon’ get nasty
    …yes

    [Hook]
    Meme machine
    Meme machine
    I’m a motherfucking meme machine
    Meme machine
    Meme machine
    Without memes, I will die

    [Chorus]
    Give me the memes
    I need the memes
    I smell the memes
    I need all the memes, the memes to survive
    I need the memes
    I breathe the memes
    I smell the memes
    I need all the memes, the memes to survive

    [Verse]
    They call me the meme machine
    I catch the memes, I spread the memes
    I eat the memes, I shit the memes
    Without memes, I will die
    Inhale the memes
    Exhale the memes
    Inject the memes into my bloodstream
    There are good memes, and there are bad memes
    Why has God abandoned us? (help me)
    Smoke the memes, snort the memes
    Take the memes until you OD
    If you borrowed my memes then you owe me
    A new fresh pair of memes

    [Hook]
    Meme machine
    Meme machine
    I’m a motherfucking meme machine
    Meme machine
    Meme machine
    Without memes, I will die

    [Chorus]
    Give me the memes
    I need the memes
    I smell the memes
    I need all the memes, the memes to survive
    I need the memes
    I breathe the memes
    I smell the memes
    I need all the memes, the memes to survive

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