Marlins Owners Disappointed to Learn People Can Understand What Ozzie Guillen is Saying

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MIAMI, FL – Miami Marlins ownership was shocked this week to learn not only does Ozzie Guillen speak English, but that people can actually understand what he is saying. It was only after this already shocking revelation that Marlins Owner Jeffery Loria realized that Guillen praised one of the world’s worst dictators.

“We specifically hired a manager who could speak the language of our players,” Loria said. “We did not realize he also spoke English.”

“It’s pretty disappointing,” Loria added.

Before becoming manager for the Marlins, Guillen managed the Chicago White Sox. However, translations of his seemingly incomprehensible speech revealed that his mouth spouted nothing but stupidity.

Nevertheless, Guillen was largely able to get out of trouble as manager of the White Sox because people could not understand the stupid shit he was saying. He also happened to win a World Series.

The Marlins suspended Guillen for five games, thereby limiting the foul mouthed, communist praiser to coaching only 157 games.

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