World Bank Hazes the Shit out of New President

Jim-Yong-Kim

WASHINGTON – Days after his official appointment to the presidency of the World Bank, Jim Yong Kim, the former president of Dartmouth College, was reportedly hazed by some high-ranking staff of the organization.

Several unconfirmed reports have surfaced over the alleged incident. Details of the hazing include Kim being forced to consume copious amounts of alcohol, run around the National Mall half naked while blindfolded, drink a gallon of milk mixed with water from the Potomac River, deny emergency loan requests from Angola, and be quizzed on facts of the founding of the institution.

In video footage acquired by The Flipside, the World Bank Senior Economist Justin Lin interrogates Kim about the Five Stated Purposes of the World Bank from Article I of the Articles of Agreement of the International Bank for Reconstruction and Development. When Kim fails to recite Clause (iv), Lin hands Kim a bottle of malt liquor, screaming “Wrong, you fucking numb-nut.”

Kim was formerly the president of Dartmouth College, the elite East Coast Ivory League school notorious for its hazing practices. Kim, who assumed the office in 2009, was noted for his refusal to put an end to the hazing, saying that as a trained anthropologist, “you don’t come in and change the culture.” When asked for comment, Gerald McPaddington, a Dartmouth junior, mumbled “that shit deserved it for abandoning us,” before vomiting all over the floor.

A spokesperson for World Bank refused to elaborate on the alleged incident, simply stating, “Don’t worry, everything is under control.”

One comment

  • JH

    I sent this article to my dad who works at the World Bank. He thought it was so funny he printed out copies and left them in the break rooms in his building. Congrats Brian you’re famous!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *