Entire Population of Long Island Goes Missing
LONG ISLAND, NY — In a bizarre coincidence, Northwestern University welcomed students’ family and friends for their annual family weekend from Friday October 19 to Sunday October 21, and the entire population of Long Island, New York has gone missing. “Where’d they go?” cried Syosset Mayor Rich Goldman.
The island’s population was discovered missing on Friday night, when nearby Manhattan resident Aaron Weiner drove up to surprise his sister, her husband, and their two kids. “I was feeling lucky because the traffic was really bad coming the other way to JFK and LaGuardia, and I was the only one going east on the Long Island Expressway,” said Weiner.
Mayor Goldman tried to report the incident to the police, but was informed that they could not file it as a missing population until 24 hours had passed. Also, they were nowhere to be found. He then tried to call his secretary, but she said she was out of town with the weekend on “family business.”
“I’m really freaking out here. There hasn’t been a mass exodus of Jews this big in about 5,000 years,” Goldman muttered to himself. He proceeded to curl up in a ball and cry himself to sleep.
On a related yet unimportant matter, New Jersey has also gone missing.