Area Man Defriends Facebook “Friend” on Friend’s Birthday

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MILWAUKEE, WI — Milwaukee native George Waterson defriended his Facebook friend David Debbleby Monday night. Monday was Debbleby’s birthday.

“I really don’t like David,” said Waterson. “I had actually forgotten we were still Facebook friends, but I guess he was just hidden from my newsfeed.”

The two became Facebook friends in 2007, when both men were in the same group for a high school English project that involved a computer slideshow presentation, a speech, a short written report, and the novel Wuthering Heights. According to Waterson, Debbleby didn’t do any work, coasting along to receive “the easiest C he ever got,” only sending the occasional word of encouragement via Facebook chat: “thx 4 da notecards bro, can you rite my summry of ch 12 too?”

The two men had not spoken since the conclusion of the presentation, but despite this, their Facebook friendship persisted for the next five years, until it crumbled apart Monday night, much like the piñata Waterson imagined Debbleby destroying at a party to which he was not invited.

“It felt good to defriend him,” said Waterson. “I was all like, ‘Dude, what’s this prick still doing on my friends list? I don’t want him lookin’ at my pics!’”

“I think I’ll defriend everyone I don’t like on their birthdays,” added Waterson. “Happy twenty-third, David!”

Debbleby could not be reached for comment, but his sister Debbie said that her brother likely would not notice that he had three fewer friends on Tuesday than he did on Sunday, since, after returning home from Tim Tebow’s Terrific Turkey Toasties, he friended four of the women he met at the bar, passed out, and woke up the next morning with no recollection of how he spent his birthday.

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