Pablo Sanchez Inks Multi-Million Dollar Deal With New York Yankees
BRONX, NY — Pablo Sanchez, the childhood baseball phenomenon made famous by Backyard Sports, has signed a seven year, $150 million dollar deal with the New York Yankees, who won a historic bidding war for the now grown-up star. Sanchez has shown unparalleled talent since he was a mere two inches tall, and could be the most promising rookie prospect in decades.
“Pablo has defied logic by not only competing with major league stars, but destroying them since he was five,” said Yankees scout Roger Fitzgerald. “He’s got it all.”
Sanchez usually records an average of .700 during a given season, depending on the mode of play. His batting, fielding, and speed are all rated with the maximum number of baseballs, compared to half as many from other stars Pete Wheeler and Kenny Kawaguchi, who signed with the Cincinnati Reds and the U.S. Special Olympics Team, respectively.
“I am happy at this opportunity. Baseball is good. I will not wait for it. They say I cannot wear my hat backwards in America. I will talk to [Commissioner Bud] Selig on this,” commented Sanchez, whose English continues to improve with three hours of lessons each day.
The Yankees are thrilled to have a new franchise player as Derek Jeter fades into the twilight of his career. “Pablo, unlike that dipshit A-Rod, will really give us a boost in October.,” said Manager Joe Girardi. “I’d like to see teams try and match our offensive firepower now.”
Even if Sanchez does not pan out to be a major league superstar like so many highly touted prospects before him, he has left the option open to transfer into the NFL or NBA, rescue the NHL, or take on the near impossible task of making soccer cool by joining the MLS. All five leagues anxiously await his arrival.