Flipside Investigation Discovers that “Brogurt” Contains Horse Meat
MIAMI BEACH, FL — It’s no secret that Greek yogurt is popular among women; just ask any yoga-pant-clad sorority girl on campus and she’ll, like, totally confirm. Yogurt is chock full of vitamins and calcium that help maintain a healthy diet, but marketers sensed a gaping demographic disparity in the yogurt market and recently announced the launch of a new product catering to men. Powerful Yogurt, nicknamed Brogurt, hit grocery store shelves last week in an attempt to target guys hungry for a manly alternative to buying Chobani “for my girlfriend.”
The product boasts high levels of brotein and mega brobiotic power that targets the specific needs of the male consumer. When The Flipside took a look at the nutrition facts for the new product, we were surprised to find that the caloric and protein content was largely the same as other yogurt products already on the market, with one major difference. Hidden in the fine print is the line “Caution: not a vegetarian product.” It seems that the horse meat scandal has extended farther than anyone could have imagined, making its way into the new dairy product.
When we asked part-time student and full-time bro Paul Michaels what he thought of the controversial ingredient list, he said, “I get jacked like it’s my job, and if I’ve gotta jam on some horse meat to get beefed, no biggie.” Though Michaels and his avowed gym buddy “Big Mike” aren’t bothered by the questionable content, other customers were less satisfied, which has forced the company behind Brogurt to issue a formal apology.
Brogurt spokesman Brad Jacobs commented on the company’s efforts to apologize to those who bought the product without noticing its content. “We’re saying ‘Our Bad’ like true bros, with free merch. Snapbacks, tanks, half-calves, you name it, Brogurt’s got your back.” Jacobs also divulged that the company plans to go ahead with their launch of their line of frozen yogurt products, just as soon as their marketing team decides between “Fro-Bro” and “Bro-Yo”.