Update, May 1: Oh, wait, this was totally satire. Our mistake.
EVANSTON — Mayfest, the student organization responsible for bringing performers to Northwestern’s annual music festival, Dillo Day, has officially announced the complete lineup for the June 1, 2013 festival after it was accidentally leaked by a member of its executive board. Carly Rae Jepsen will be the 2013 headliner. The full lineup is printed below:
Smash Mouth – With their performance in Evanston leaked months ago on their Facebook page, Smash Mouth will play first. Theater majors are especially excited to be reassured that they are “all stars.”
Hanson – Hanson, whom we all enjoyed when we were ten, will perform second with songs like “MMMBop.” They’ll also almost definitely swish their hair, which may or may not be gross at age thirty.
Ludacris – “It was so convenient to ask him to stick around in Chicago after A&O Ball,” said Mayfest of the decision to contract with Ludacris, who is reportedly looking for a “couch to crash on” in the Chicago area. Northwestern’s fraternities have already announced plans to host a philanthropic penny war in which the winning frat will get to host Ludacris until the concert.
Kid Cudi – Recalling his fantastic performance in Welsh-Ryan Arena in 2010, which was only slightly overshadowed by Snoop Dogg, the Mayfest executive board said they are “excited to have a rapper of this caliber joining us on Dillo Day.”
Carly Rae Jepsen – The creator of the hit single “Call Me Maybe,” the announcement of Jepsen as the headliner has many thrilled many Northwestern students. “This will be the best Dillo Day ever since they banned high school students from coming,” said an excited Allison Jones, Medill senior.
Weinberg Junior Mary Blitzer commented on the Mayfest leak, “This lineup is so much better than last year’s. I was afraid Mayfest would wait until the last minute to announce the lineup, and that the headliner would be even worse than Steve Aoki.”