The Flipside Nominates the 2013 Homecoming Court

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As the only satirical newspaper on campus, The Northwestern Flipside feels proud (and obligated) to nominate its first annual Homecoming Court and recognize the most notable members of the Northwestern and surrounding Evanston community. Without these upstanding individuals, organizations and groups, no one would follow us on Twitter, so for that we would like to extend this highly distinguished honor. Behold our nominations for the 2013 Homecoming Court and reasons why they deserve such recognition. You’re welcome.

Farmhouse Evanston: After receiving its first citation for underage alcohol sales only two months after opening, Farmhouse might just on the right track to replace The Keg. Overpriced burgers could be a good substitute for the subtle ambience created by a stripper pole and popcorn machine anyway. FHOE > TKOE

Class of 2017: Did you hear that they’re the best yet?

Accomplishments:

  • Diversity – more people from Naperville AND Wilmette
  • Intelligence – maybe can distinguish between Garrett and Garnett
  • Unity – coordinating 2017 shirts last Friday night really demonstrated how we are One Northwestern, one where we can single out the freshmen

Morton O. Schapiro: As the only university president to not sign things, Morty will be remembered as the one who didn’t sign things. His “War on Petitions” will go down in Northwestern lore as one of the most courageous and controversial stands a school president has made to be uncontroversial.

Frat Star: He’s just super involved.

Accomplishments:

Percy the Gay Stoner: As Northwestern’s resident ball pit expert and brunch aficionado, The Flipside would like to extend its personal congratulations to Percy and thanks for his valuable contributions to our meetings.

Chet Haze: Chet expanded the definition of a great Twitter account and almost single-handedly brought back the fedora.  Graduating in 2013 doesn’t mean he won’t live in on our hearts forever. Dillo Day 2014?

J. Michael Bailey: To continue making outdated references, a retroactive nomination goes to our second favorite sex professor and second favorite sexiest professor. Although for most of us the hottest thing to happen in 2011 was singing along to “Like a G6” while studying for a learner’s permit, Bailey was most likely the subconscious (Freudian) reason new Wildcats choose Northwestern (hint: sex).

2013 Football Team: Primetime coverage of the homecoming game on ABC means our hands will get some primetime coverage in the fourth quarter, not to mention the warm and fuzzy primetime feeling in our hearts.

Accomplishments:

Honorable Mentions: Other Frat Star, Cool Mom, Other Other Frat Star, 2014 Football Team (because they’ll probably be better and more diverse)

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