Ted Cruz Filibusters Wife’s Board Game Night Decision
HOUSTON, TX — After his recent success filibustering a vote on the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) used his talents of talking for hours on end to prevent his wife Heidi from choosing Apples to Apples on Family Game Night.
Heidi, Ted, and their two children switch turns choosing a game each week. When Heidi chose Senator Cruz’s least favorite game, due to his utter lack of humor and creativity, he intervened against the decision. He stood in front of the television and addressed his wife and two kids, outlining the many reasons why Apples to Apples was not suitable for their family, instead suggesting Snakes and Ladders.
Senator Cruz touched upon the Socialist implications of randomly distributing cards to the players and having a equitably rotating judge pick a card based on its humor or applicability.
In addition, he adapted the Dr. Seuss story, Green Eggs and Ham, to give some meaning to his decision. “I do not like Apples to Apples in a box, I do not like it with a fox,” said Senator Cruz, in a tone his four-year-old daughter found condescending. “I would not play it with a broom, could not play it in this room.”
The filibuster ended three hours later, when Senator Cruz declared it was time for his children to go to bed.