University to Build On-Campus Liquor Store

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EVANSTON — In response to a lengthy petition, Northwestern has announced plans to begin constructing Wildcat Wine and Liquor, which will become the university’s premier alcohol supplier.

Students are pleased at the university’s swift response to their request. “This is GREAT news!” said Weinberg sophomore George Philburn, Bobb resident. “It’s such a chore to have to walk all the way into Evanston to get some booze. Now I can get hammered before my Orgo lecture. That should really help the information set in.”

The university also hinted at a plan to incorporate Wildcat Wine and Liquor into students’ meal plans. NuCuisine operations manager, Erich Geiger, outlined the details. “Each week, students will be allotted ten to thirty-four standard Drink Points a week, depending on their meal plan. Two Drink Points are equivalent to one bottle of wine, or a six pack of beer.”

Wildcat Wine and Liquor will also have state-of-the-art beer pong facilities. This “all-you-can-drink” style beer pong will provide a useful stress relief for all students that were too hung-over to turn their homework in on time. Students will be able to access the beer pong facilities by swiping their wildcard.

Wildcat Wine and Liquor will be open from 10 A.M. until 1 A.M. for most weeks. However, the store will be open 24/7 during finals and welcome week.

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