Chet Haze: Where Is He Now?

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SOMEWHERE IN LOS ANGELES — Northwestern Wildcat and rap kind-of-star Chester Marion Hanks, better known to his devoted fan base as Chet Haze, has been noticeably absent from the Evanston campus this year, mostly because he graduated in June.

Life without everyone’s favorite rapper, philosopher and Wildcat has left the Northwestern student body struggling to find its way without Chet’s artistic talent and thoughtful Twitter insights. Their suffering has only been intensified by Chet’s total disconnect from the Northwestern community, and many fans and admirers have been left wondering, where is Chet now?

“It’s strange to think that it’s only been a year since that truly inspiring Deering Days performance,” said SESP sophomore Grace Mannelly. “Every day, I just remember seeing Chet bumping to his beats while walking down Sheridan or even at the occasional party thrown by that frat he was kind of in. I wonder where he is or if he’s happy. I just miss him a lot I guess.”

Some hard-hitting reporting by a devoted Medill student and Chet’s #1 fan (#1 Love) has revealed some distinct possibilities as to his recent activity post-graduation. One thing is definitely clear: Chet has been putting that Northwestern degree to good use.

Living as a Samurai

Eatin’ good

Eating Chicken

I’M EATING CHICKEN RIGHT NOW

— Chester M. Hanks (@CHETHAZE) August 25, 2013

Meeting other celebrities

Just met the kid who goes “and can I get a hot tub” from that State Farm commercial lmao. Cool dude

— Chester M. Hanks (@CHETHAZE) July 16, 2013

Riding solo

What part of the game is that when your homies go out and get it crackin without u? — Chester M. Hanks (@CHETHAZE) June 15, 2013

Counting

Taking it easy

Taking it really easy

Being a feminist advocate

I hope you ladies know just how beautiful y’all are. Don’t judge yourself by the bullshit standards set by the media. Be your natural self.

— Chester M. Hanks (@CHETHAZE) November 6, 2013

Cuffing chicks

Developing a fashion blog

Doing philanthropic work

Writing movie reviews

Wanting to know where we are (We’re here, Chet! Where are you?!?)

Supporting family values

Philosophizing

Tracking down the Illlumnati

Making Vines

Really supporting family values

More philosophizing


Or he might have just transferred to Sarah Lawrence

Green Auras – Gabe Day Lewis

In any case, Chet, The Flipside misses you.

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