We Will: The Campaign To Spend $3.75 Billion

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EVANSTON — Last Friday, President Morton Schapiro and Provost Daniel Linzer announced the university’s newest fundraising initiative, “We Will: The Campaign for Northwestern.”

The plan will finance a number of projects on the Evanston and Chicago campuses, including new buildings and increased financial aid. The university expects the campaign to last five years, raising an average of $9 million each week.

Although the plan’s goals of “Discovery and Creativity” are important, The Flipside brainstormed some alternative ideas for the $3.75 billion initiative.

  • Biweekly Dillo for the next two decades
  • A few windows in Blomquist Gymnasium, maybe another fan or two
  • Pack of therapy dogs roaming around campus
  • Ticket to the dance?
  • Free hungover brunches in Plex for the rest of eternity
  • 2,707 Dance Marathons
  • Heated walkway on Sheridan
  • Permanently dying the Chicago River purple #ChicagosBigTenTeam
  • Several hundred million orders of Frontera chips and guac
  • Clone of Jeff Budzien
  • All of the black jackets ever left at the Deuce
  • Shark tank in Norris
  • PR campaigns addressing the next 5-6 racial controversies
  • Approximately a hundred million times the funding The Flipside received from ASG
  • An ASG power trip
  • Beyoncé hologram

What would you buy with $3.75 billion? Submit your ideas to the 10K Initiative and then watch a Willie the Wildcat statue get picked instead. #gocats

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