New Stickers Greatly Decrease Student-Carried Firearms

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The new law has shocked many, particularly those who enjoyed carrying their firearms with them at all times on campus.

“I used to keep my trusty M1911 in my backpack at all times,” says McCormick senior Pierre Lawayne. “I brought it with me everywhere. He was my best friend, and made me feel safe. Now that I can’t bring it with me, I have to settle for my katana to protect myself from the rampant crime on campus.”

Others are happy about the new prohibitions.

“I feel a lot safer on campus knowing that no one can bring guns into campus buildings anymore,” says Weinberg freshman Betsy Roscoe. “All the people carrying guns around always really freaked me out. Guns just weren’t a thing back home.”

The stickers, while controversial, are effective. As soon as any person comes within ten feet of a building entrance, the sticker immediately emits an electromagnetic field, which instantly repels all firearms and ammunition in the vicinity.

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