The Flipside Nominates the 2014 Homecoming Court

homecoming

In its second annual homecoming court nominationThe Northwestern Flipside is honored to recognize some of the most upstanding individuals and organizations that make the Northwestern community what it truly is. This unparalleled honor bestowed by the only satirical publication on campus is unique in its appreciation of the undervalued. It’s time to shine the spotlight on those who are making a tangible difference.

Class of 2018: These wild-kittens have shown us what purple pride is all about. In a few short weeks, the newest students on campus have only complained about midterms, like, one time.

Accomplishments:

  • Only class in university history not to have been rejected by any student groups[1]
  • More diverse, smarter and better than you in every way, excluding the Class of 2019
  • Already applied to more summer internships than most juniors

 

Frat Star: He isn’t saying you should rush Tappa Tappa Keg, but you should rush Tappa Tappa Keg.

Accomplishments:

  • Looks pretty Greek
  • Superior chugging abilities

Chet HazeAs a distinguished alumnus and a second-time nominee, Chet has left a lasting legacy on this campus through his music and his philosophy. When not actively distancing himself from genetically-similar Oscar winners, Chet always finds the time to cheer for the Wildcats. His spirit is embodied in the viral social media campaign #chetfordillo

Accomplishments:

  • Found clever way to alter name so that no one will ever know his father is famous
  • Inspired the term “hazing”
  • Is serious wrapper

Dwayne “The Rock” JohnsonAs a prominent feature of our campus, The Rock has stood strong with the ‘cats through thick and thin, including two polar vortexes and one passionate hookup happening in the tent next door.

Accomplishments:

  • Withstands five gallons of latex paint PER DAY
  • Morphs shape with weather
  • Activist for many causes, including both College Republicans and College Democrats

 

2014 Football Team: This year’s gridiron gang[2] has provided almost as many ups and downs and only a fraction of the overtimes as last year’s Michigan game. An added element of surprise from a new kicker has fans literally on their toes, as they practice kicking in hopes of also walking on to a B1G Ten football team.

Accomplishments:

  • More starting freshmen than the freshman musical
  • Decimated first Happy Valley and then happiness during that Minnesota kickoff return
  • Could husk corn from the age of 3

 

Honorable Mentions: Jeff Budzien[3], Other Frat Star, Percy the Gay Stoner, Q from Sargent, the Bobb “poopetrator,” and my Angry Feminist Roommate

In another year of tight competition, Northwestern has a lot to be thankful for due to these extremely talented nominees. May the best man/woman/entity win.

[1] For first two weeks of academic calendar year

[2] A subtle reference to the iconic film starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

[3] Marry me?

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