Op-Ed: You Want Hazing? I’ll Show You Bitches Hazing

Short-spiky-hairstyle

I heard that some of you little princesses thought we were going easy on you. Well get ready bitches, because I’ll show this sorry excuse how to haze.

Here at Iota Iota Chi, you’re not a brother until you get paddled, whipped and branded. At IIC you start out as shit, then we sculpt that shit into a man.

I remember my first experience with hazing. I was like a lot of you little bitches. I was weak, nerdy and a virgin. But, something changed when my IIC brother left me in a locked room with a poisonous snake. That night, I left the ER a man, and I’m pretty sure my dick got bigger too.

You also never feel closer to another than when you’re naked in the mud with him and rubbing against the hairs of his pubes as the two of you wrestle for dominance. That is the moment you understand brotherhood and when you become intertwined with another man’s body.

Uhh, I mean that’s also when you two agree to a three way with a chick. Cause that’s what IIC bros do, they fuck girls.

I know the PC police at Northwestern might not like real manhood, especially after they banned IIC. But, we will rise again and you shitheaps can be our founding fathers. See you cowfuckers at rush.

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