Mayfest Exec Prays to Audros, Lithuanian God of Storms
EVANSTON – Several reports emerged earlier this week indicating that high-ranking members of Mayfest have begun ritual ceremonies to honor Audros, the Lithuanian God of Storms, in preparation for Dillo Day this year.
Mayfest is doing everything it can to avoid the bad weather that led to the cancellation of Dillo Day last year, and many executive board members agree that praying to the Ancient Baltic deity would be an effective way to do so.
“Believe me, we’ve learned our lesson from last year, and now we fully appreciate the importance of preparing for bad weather, which is why we think honoring the Almighty Audros, King of the Skies, is the right thing to do,” Mayfest director of concerts Yumiko Mannarelli said.
In honor of Audros, Mannarelli has already sacrificed an armadillo and set out seven chalices of freshman blood on the lakefill as an offering, sources say.
“The infinite power and wisdom of Audros, Lord of All Rain and Shine, will protect the lakefill on Dillo Day. We paid the price for incurring His wrath last year, and for that we repent. All praise Audros!” Another Mayfest executive board member was heard proclaiming.
Despite calls for a backup plan in light of last year’s events, all Mayfest members who spoke to the Flipside enthusiastically said that the divine grace of Audros was the only backup plan they needed.
At time of press, reports out of Bobb Hall claimed that several freshmen began worshipping Ragutis the Lithuanian God of Beer, requesting a plentiful and rich supply of Busch Light for Saturday’s activities.