Op-Ed: Lifting Makes You a Better Person

lifting

I just want anyone reading this to know that while education is a noble goal, the six hours I spend every day at the gym make me objectively a better person than you. When I go home and crush a raw-egg-peanut-butter-steak-shake in order to meet my macros, a light shudder of pure fulfillment runs down my spine. You can’t get that if you spend all your day in a lab curing disease. Instead of studying for finals I deadlifted 500 pounds of textbooks and then ate them because I was carb-loading and I’m sure the library will understand. One time, I blew out every sphincter in my body trying to set a new record for squats. If that isn’t suffering for the good of the people, I don’t know what is.

It’s a noble life I live and while I swell with pride every time I see a new face at the gym, sometimes the doubts of the uninitiated “gains goblins” wear on my soul. You should never be able to look me in the eye and say you’re comfortable with your body if you’re not able to flex every muscle in a Terry Crews-esque show of power. I can’t fit into long sleeve shirts anymore. If you’re afraid of being judged for not being “swole,” let me assuage your fears. It doesn’t matter where you start. The only thing that matters is what flavor of pre-workout you put into your bright neon blender bottle.

At the end of the day, if this message convinces just one person to pick up some weights I will consider it a success. I will be proud to know that you’re making the world a better place, just like me. Oh, and follow me on Instagram for progress pics, motivational quotes, and Gorilla Gain© Brand Supplement deals.

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