Morty Hotboxes Safe Space

Stoner Morty

After a stressful work week involving many loud noises and very few juice boxes, Northwestern President Morton Schapiro has reportedly decided to just relax this 4/20 by hotboxing his favorite safe space.

Sources say Morty, like many students, feels at peace in the arts section at Deering, so he decided to hunker down among the shelves, roll a few blunts, and pack a few bowls with the 12 pounds of weed he’d scored earlier that week.

“It was actually pretty impressive,” said Haley Smith, WCAS ’20. “That room is, like, massive, and he definitely filled the entire place with smoke. I’m pretty sure I even got a contact high.”

Sources close to Morty revealed how glad he is to have places like this on campus where he can just go chill out, smoke, and not have to worry about being attacked for who he is. In keeping with the space’s welcoming environment, Morty even offered to smoke out every student seeking refuge along with him.

Reports are coming in that the magnitude of this hotbox became quite substantial after many others joined Morty who also wanted to honor the day and blow off some steam. Deering employees have recommended steering clear of the entire library at this point unless you’re trying to get incredibly high before your next class.

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