Sophomore to Redirect All Questions About Her Summer to Her Instagram

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Sophomore Alexa Santini is, quite frankly, tired of fielding questions about her summer from friends and family. “It’s like they don’t even look at my Instagram,” said Santini in an interview. “If they did they wouldn’t need to ask. They’d know I’m totally living my best life.”

Santini reportedly updates her Instagram once a week with a carefully crafted image demonstrating both a “playful sense of adventure” and “sultry undertones in everyday activities.” An overly nonchalant caption, exclusively in lowercase letters and overwhelmingly blasé, follows each post.

“Like, I’m holding a glass of rosé in my last post. Rosé. Clearly I’m thriving. I’m offended they have to ask,” said Santini in a frustrated huff. “And in the post before that I’m on a boat in designer sunglasses. You can clearly see the brand in the pic. If that doesn’t convey the message of ‘I’m having a better summer than you,’ then what’s the point? What is this all for??”

When asked her thoughts on the matter, mom Deborah Santini said “I mean, I love her Instagram page. I love taking pictures of my Alexa. That one of her preparing to take a big bite out of a gourmet cheeseburger in SoHo is my absolute favorite. It took fifteen minutes just to get the right one! Funny part is, it was my burger. She ordered a nice salad.”

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