Kellogg Offers Class on Conducting Loud Business Calls While Shoving Past People in Airports

Man on phone in airport

Determined to stay at the cutting edge of business education, the Kellogg School of Management is now offering an advanced seminar on making loud business calls while rudely shoving past other travelers in airport terminals. The class will be taught by Professor Gavin “Big Dino” Philipoussis, who also teaches “Business Management 322: Flaking On Your Kid’s Little-League Game.”

According to early reports, the class is off to a great start. “On the first day, they handed me a power suit and cell phone and dropped me off at O’Hare,” said Kellogg student Roy Velcro. “I was really nervous, but Big Dino taught me that as a wealthy businessman, I’m more important than other people, and therefore, I can treat them however I want. Everywhere I go is like my own personal home, and I don’t need to be considerate of how my actions affect others.”

“The hardest part of the class so far has been yelling swear words into my phone while shoving past families with young children,” Velcro continued. “It was really difficult at first to overcome that basic level of courtesy.”

Many believe that the seminar will help to differentiate Kellogg from other elite graduate programs. “Any business school can teach you how to read a pie chart,” explained Philipoussis. “But our school gives you the sense of entitlement and exaggerated self-importance that the most successful businessmen possess.”

Students who pass the course will be eligible to take a follow up seminar during the spring quarter, called “Business 413: Yelling at Waiters in the First Class Lounge.”

 

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