Author Archives: Arnold Johnsen
“Sexual assault allegations in an on-campus residential hall are best handled with strongly worded campus-wide emails and whatever an ‘awareness workshop’ is.”
“She has every right to put a humidifier on her side of the room. Just like I have every right to cancel it out with a dehumidifier on my side.”
The novel, which follows the coming-of-age of a Southern girl against a background of racial unrest, is reported by critics to have been penned by the late Harper Lee, but Spicer emphatically denies these claims.
“It could be booze. Or girls. I’m not sure how to identify other types of stuff.”
“Many of my sources have commented on [the recent change]. One of them compared it to high school senioritis.”
The address will be supplemented by recurring segments on fashion trends, daily sports picks, and live reactions to Trump tweets.
“We wanted to rise above the limitations of metaphor and really drive home the lack of consequences.”
“His costume totally rejected gender binary,” said Veronica Keller, SESP ’20. “You honestly couldn’t tell if he was being slutty in a dude way or a girl way.”
As repeatedly cited by Donald Trump during tonight’s debate, NAFTA exists. Soon, it might not.