Author Profile: Allison Ortega

Four out of five dentists agree that Allison is the best president ever; Obama has nothing on her. She smells like lilac, and knows HTML. She is also proud to have the same first name as Brian’s mom, Allison. Among her other talents, Allison is the third in the line of blonde Flipside presidents, and she is definitely the SafeRide driver whose car you’ve thrown up in. You may recognize Allison from that “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” commercial, where she fell and couldn’t get up. Allison currently holds the Guinness World Record for most consecutive pushups done while also doing yoga.

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Notre Dame Changes Religious Affiliation to “Agnostic”

notre dame coach

SOUTH BEND, IN — After a hard fought loss to the Northwestern Wildcats, the University of Notre Dame has decided to change its religious affiliation from Catholic to Agnostic. The first of its kind, Notre Dame’s newfound institutional agnosticism was predicated on the overwhelming sense of confusion, frustration, and spiritual suffering following the Fighting Irish’s Saturday evening loss. “After such a clear display of the lack of justice and righteousness on this earth, Notre Dame felt it was unconscionable to

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