Rather than having to put in user details, the app uses the camera to do a facial scan and delivers a verdict of “Honey, No, Come on.”
Author Archives: Grant Kegel
“Sure, she’s not holding a solo front and center, but the ongoing keg stand and Jell-O shots behind the group kinda break the illusion that this was just a sober, intimate get-together among friends and also forty of their closest, shirtless fraternity friends.”
“It was a nightmare. Scalding matzah ball soup blinded four and stab wounds from Iraqi kebabs took the lives of two Buddhist passersby. Also, the vegan table is now totally covered in Kosher brisket shrapnel. What am I supposed to eat now?”
“It’s the darnedest thing!” squeaked manager Mark Shales.
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because “they would have blown the American public’s mind, figuratively, of course”.
professional study group casters are saying this is Buchanan’s worst gaff yet since the botched “pull my finger” play in 2015
“When he greeted me, he had one of those Commie-French accents. Who the hell are they letting into our schools these days?”
Several sources close to the Trump family have voiced concern over how much time he spends watching the soulless pawns dance across the screen, but Marcellus isn’t worried: “If anything, this is what his father would have wanted.”
At press time, the White House was frantically sandbagging the doors and windows as neat regiments of transgender Navy Seals politely waited outside to have a word with the commander in chief.
According to onlookers, the UChicago adjunct balled up his fist—full of scientific curiosity—and punched the “already-sobbing, tomato-faced little shit” square in the face.