Several sources close to the Trump family have voiced concern over how much time he spends watching the soulless pawns dance across the screen, but Marcellus isn’t worried: “If anything, this is what his father would have wanted.”
Author Archives: Grant Kegel
At press time, the White House was frantically sandbagging the doors and windows as neat regiments of transgender Navy Seals politely waited outside to have a word with the commander in chief.
According to onlookers, the UChicago adjunct balled up his fist—full of scientific curiosity—and punched the “already-sobbing, tomato-faced little shit” square in the face.
“You know these kids are just gonna buy a new ID after you take it from them. So why not start up a side business?”
And to all the haters: “Y’all can Bop-It, Twist-It, Pull-it, and Suck-It.” Peace, Bitches.
Coulter felt like she was a changed woman after definitely having experienced what some of the “urbanites” do.
“The establishment may have poisoned these kids’ minds, but I’m the one who’ll bring out the truth in their hearts!” said Farnigan with a look of crazed euphoria.
And you claim to be better than me because of your brains? Say that again after I kick you into the Lakefill, King Dweeb.
“You know, it’s guys like him that remind you that chivalry isn’t dead. It’s just creepy and horny.”
It took the promise of an extra juice box with breakfast before he’d even poke his head out.