EVANSTON – In an attempt to have the snarkiest Twitter of all her sassy sisters, area sorority girl Kayla Kaplan has started hashtagging everything.

“It started with just small things that were actually trends like #SGP and #royalwedding. But then I thought, wait, my life is just as trendy as these tags, so I’m going to turn my life into the trends,” Kaplan said.

This Quad Delt’s recent tweets have included such masterpieces as:

“Spring formal was so fun! #openbar #GinAndTonicTastesLikJollyRanchersWhenImDrunk #BlackoutOnTopOfTheDJ #WakeUpNakedInAlphaSigmaSigma”

and

“Quad Delt philanthropy today! #BoItForTheBoobs #WeWillLiterallySaveBreastCancer #ItsMoreAboutUsThanTheEvent #LowCutAmericanApparelVNecks”

Rival Sorority Girl, Charlotte Kenilworth is mad at Kaplan’s screams for attention, which she ascribes to “daddy issues.”

“Gretchen tried to make ‘fetch’ happen. It failed. Kayla is trying to make her hashtags happen, and I’m afraid it will fail even more. I’m sorry, but “#AteSoMuchSaladThatIFeelLikeABunny will never be a trend on twitter.”

Still, Kaplan fights to make her hashtags “a thing.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to stay within the 140 character limit because my hashtags are just too good for twitter. Maybe I’ll invent ‘twatter’ – twitter for sorority girls, and we can explain all our #SGproblems and #SGsolutions with more space,” Kaplan said.

Gabby and Ariel are, like, totally the hottest JAPs at school. They only wear Marc Jacobs, and they get invited to EVERY Bat Mitzvah.

G + A (as they call themselves) spend the Saturday morning services taking trips to the bathroom to gossip and flirting with the boys from different schools across the room.

Between the service and the party, G + A are very busy making a “kissing web” that shows who everyone in the school has kissed. They are presenting it to their girlfriend Lauren tonight at her Bat Mitzvah party, which is New York-themed.

But the party is where G and A really show their social prowess. After spending an hour applying Stila make-up, the girls hit the party and flirt with the boys whose parents let them drink the Manischewitz wine.

After “The Cha Cha Slide” and “Cotton Eyed Joe” had finished playing, the DJ cranked up the Usher, and G + A were, like, totally grinding all up on each other while the other girls were at the photo booth.

After a fun night, G + A went home, but leaving the event was not too sad. Next week, the week after that, and the week after that they get to do it all again for Sara, Naomi, and Zach’s parties.