In addition, sources in Schapiro’s office claim that the university president asked Fitzgerald to stop giving him wet willies, Indian burns, titty twisters, and swirlies.
Author Archives: Nathan Mostow
“Everyone here says that the complaints I’ve heard back home are nothing compared to how much people complain during a real Chicago winter.”
Stoops brought himself within striking distance by forgoing a game-tying PAT in exchange for a failed two-point conversion, then broke the tie by deciding not to go for an onside kick.
“I can’t wait to personally feed every hardworking family’s Christmas tree into a wood chipper.”
“The hardest part of the class so far has been yelling swear words into my phone while shoving past families with young children.”
After falling asleep during a board meeting, Morty explained that the all-powerful deity appeared in a dream and commanded him to build the 5-story, 30,000-square-foot temple.