Category Archives: No. 57

slugger

Sorority Chapter Invites Kansas City Royals to Wedding-Watch Party

slugger

EVANSTON – Anticipation turned to confused embarrassment when the sisters of the Delta Delta Delta Delta sorority realized that the ‘royals’ they had invited to their “Royal Wedding-Watch Party OMG!!!!!” event were, in fact, the Kansas City Royals, the major league baseball team. “I was like, sooo excited when I heard we were watching the royal wedding at the house,” said Quad Delt sister Becca Silverstein, “cuz my boyfriend is from Kansas City and he’s always talking about the royals

PotLeaf21

Police Surprised to Find Marijuana at Fraternity House

PotLeaf21

EVANSTON – Last week, police were stunned at what they found at a Northwestern fraternity house when they happened upon a bag of marijuana and two pieces of drug paraphernalia. Police entered the house when a “faulty” smoke detector went off. When asked about the situation Chief of Police Bill Carter said, he was “perplexed” by it all. He added, “It was just a normal day, I wrote the date, April 20th, in my ledger like any other. I did

somali

A Somali Man to America: “Cheer Up!”

somali

This article was written by Aden Daar, a Somali villager. I was rummaging through the town landfill this morning, looking for some food for today’s meal, when I came across a copy of last week’s New York Times. I saw an article describing how Americans were sad. It said something about rising gas prices, unemployment, a government in disagreement, etc etc etc etc etc. Let me tell you something, America. CHEER UP! Who am I, you might ask, to order

royal-family

Point-Counterpoint: The Royal Wedding

royal-family

Why Do Brits Love Their Royal Family? By Andrew Schneider Seems I can’t take three steps these days without someone running their yap about the royal wedding. It could just be that I consider myself a true American, with apple pie in my gut and cholesterol in my veins, but I have a truly difficult time giving any sort of a flying fuck about this wedding. Hell, I can’t even stand weddings for people I know, but for whatever reason

Brandon-Marshall-for-Miami-2010_2499034

Wide Receiver Brandon Marshall To Be Cut Twice

Brandon-Marshall-for-Miami-2010_2499034

MIAMI – Star wide receiver Brandon Marshall may be cut twice in the span of a week. The first cut occurred seven days ago when his wife stabbed him in a domestic dispute. Several days after the incident, rumors began circulating that the Miami Dolphins would release him from the team. The move was quite unexpected considering how Marshall had been carving up the opposition last season. “The way he was knifing in between those safeties was downright impressive,” according

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