Category Archives: No. 73

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GOP Nominates Meryl Streep For President

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WASHINGTON D.C. – After witnessing her powerful portrayal of UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, the Republican Party has announced the nomination of Meryl Streep for candidacy for President of the United States.  Predictions show that the lovely and talented Streep will pull ahead in the next primary, using her track record of Academy Awards and Golden Globes as an indication of her popularity with the masses and her ability to achieve. Many GOP politicians are shifting

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Chinese Students Fail to Recognize Chinese-New-Year-Themed Food

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EVANSTON — In the spirit of celebrating diversity at Northwestern, the dining halls prepared a themed dinner in honor of Chinese New Year. There was a large variety of Chinese food to choose from, including Beef Lo Mein, Chicken Lo Mein, Shrimp Lo Mein and Pork Lo Mein. The décor of the cafeteria also stayed true to the Chinese culture with fake firecrackers hanging from the ceilings and lots of gold trim. However, these efforts went unnoticed by the university’s

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Evanston Community Bemoans the End of Bemoaning TKOE

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EVANSTON – The slew of Facebook posts, video homages, and other means of gratuitous whimpers regarding the recent revoking of the liquor license of beloved local bar ‘The Keg of Evanston’ has slowly wound down, much to to the dismay of patrons of the bar. Collectively, the complaints about Mayor Tisdahl’s decision to revoke The Keg’s liquor license, which have lasted nearly 3 months, have become an event in and of themselves that has overshadowed the actual closing of the

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BREAKING: Mayor Tisdahl Received Campaign Donation from Ghost of Francis Willard

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Flipside Exclusive! EVANSTON – Reports indicate that Mayor Tisdahl has received a large sum of campaign donations from the ghost of renowned prohibitionist Francis Willard over the past few years. Leaked internal documents shows that Willard, lobbying on behalf of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, has provided thousands of dollars for Tisdahl’s campaign. Tisdahl has denied that her rigid stance against drinking, brothels and happiness was influenced by the donations. “I have always fought hard for the peace and safety

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SOPA Uproar Leads Area Man to Discover Internet for First Time

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A special editorial from area man Bob McCulloghy So this past Sunday night, I was flipping through the most recent issue of Life Magazine, watching some good ole’ public broadcast television – and I heard about this SOPA thing. Barbara Calhoun was reporting that if SOPA happened, this thing called ‘The Internet’ would start getting regulated by the government. Now I’m not normally one to judge the government – they’ve never done anything to me. Every day, I wake up

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