Category Archives: No. 113

ballpit

Dillo Day Ball Pit Provides Exciting Place to Hook Up, Contract Meningitis

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EVANSTON — Northwestern students attending Dillo Day this year were pleasantly surprised by Mayfest’s latest addition to the day’s experience: a ball pit. Members of the student body expressed their excitement, with some saying that the classic childhood playground staple was perfectly suited for the drunken hookups they have been planning since the day after last Dillo Day. “Dude, it’s amazing,” exclaimed Weinberg senior Scott Landry. “It combines the thrill of publicly sucking face in front of all those high

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Stacey’s Cool Mom Is Gonna Have Fun at Dillo

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By Stace’s Mom Guys, have you heard they are making guests under 19 have adult chaperones at Dillo this year? Well, since my daughter Stacey (Stace because we’re besties) is only 17, it looks like I’m back on campus, party people! First and foremost, I’m thinking the gals and me’ll start off the day with some dorm “consumption.” Obviously totez discrete. I’m willing to supply if Stace will stop telling me that she hates me and to stop wearing her

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To Chet Haze’s Dismay, Mayfest Announces Headliner

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EVANSTON — Though insider reports indicate that Mayfest’s executive board came this close to actually having to ask Detroit-based rapper Danny Brown to do a reading of The DaVinci Code by the moonlight, the group finally released a statement Friday afternoon that they had accomplished the sole task for which they receive $300,000 in funding each year: booking a nighttime headliner. Following the Dillo-eve announcement of rapper Wiz Khalifa as the festival’s final act, NU students voiced their concerns on

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Sadistic Mayfest Exec Board Tortures Students, Announces Headliner Saturday Night

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EVANSTON — In an effort to sadistically torture Northwestern students, Mayfest decided to announce that Wu-Tang Clan is headlining Dillo Day only seconds before the iconic rap group took the stage on Saturday. The decision was made in part because the concert organizing board has a really sick and twisted desire to play with the hearts and minds of both music enthusiasts and borderline alcoholics alike, not to mention the entirety of ETHS and cool moms everywhere. “Creating a really

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